There’s a difference between submission and servitude

Now, I have no problem with being submissive, but I think some wives and husbands confuse it with servitude. PHOTO/FILE

What you need to know:

  • The second plate of food was for her husband, who had all along been engrossed in a newspaper as his wife laboured for him. When the lovely woman delivered the meal, he did not even say thank you, and immediately dug in.
  • Now, I have no problem with being submissive, but I think some wives and husbands confuse it with servitude. My grandmother, who is in her nineties once told me;

We were at this wedding, and as happens, the guests were lining up for food.

There was a woman, probably in her mid-fifties, ahead of us. She served two plates and was wondering how to carry the food, plus two sodas she had picked, bearing in mind that she had a handbag, as well as a shawl flung on her shoulder.

I offered to help her carry the drinks, and we ended up sharing a table.

As it turned out, the second plate of food was for her husband, who had all along been engrossed in a newspaper as his wife laboured for him. When the lovely woman delivered the meal, he did not even say thank you, and immediately dug in.

I think I must have stared at him, my mouth open in dismay, because hubby prodded me and pointed out that my food would get cold.

After the meal, he sent his wife to get toothpicks. She was not even halfway done eating, but she promptly stood up, and I had to bite my tongue not to scold him. Thankfully, a waiter appeared, and I requested him to bring us toothpicks.

Now, I have no problem with being submissive, but I think some wives and husbands confuse it with servitude. My grandmother, who is in her nineties once told me;

“You wives of today have it easy. It was hard work in my day, being a wife and a mother.”

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

She went on to tell me how she had to wake up early to milk the cow and prepare breakfast two days after giving birth to my mother.

One day, while waiting for the milk to boil, the days old baby started to cry.

My grandma’s dilemma was whether to let the milk spill as she went to pick the baby, or let the baby cry until she was done preparing breakfast.

Apparently, men from that era neither touched their babies, nor were they seen anywhere near the kitchen. The baby and the kitchen belonged to their wives!

Though this is no longer the case today, there are still unrealistic expectations placed on a wife.

She is expected to be this super woman who must excel at her career, foot half of the bills, manage the home, look after the children, look alluring, and yes, cook for and serve her husband, iron his shirts and wash his underwear or else. Come on!

Submission, as defined in my dictionary, is to ‘yield oneself to the authority of another’.

This, as I understand it, means that I should give my husband the opportunity to lead.

A leader not only serves, but has more responsibilities, and is expected to sacrifice more than those he leads. Ultimately, the buck stops with the leader.

But, there is a big difference between a master and a leader. Leaders command or earn respect – they do not demand it, however, masters lord over their servants.

If you ask me, the wife who treats her husband like a demi-god gives marriage a bad name, and makes it look very unappealing for our daughters.