MAN IN THE HOOD: When a landlord messed up my Valentine’s Day...

Exactly three years ago, I dated a really wonderful girl called Koi. We were so much in love. You know the type of love where you spend late night hours talking on the phone and when you are done, you whisper “Goooooodniiiiiight! Loooooove yoooou!” Yes, those three words have to be pulled and stretched like a rubber band. You stretch them like an opera singer until your vocal cords reach their elastic limit. You just don’t say them hastily like you are rushing to the washroom after eating bacteria-infested madondo.

IN LOVE

Then after you say goodnight, you conclude by “You can hang up now baby.” Then she goes like “No baby, you go ahead and hang up.” And then you respond with “No baby…I want you to hang up first.” And so for the next 10 minutes, you keep going back and forth about who should hang up the phone. Eventually, Safaricom decides to put an end to your nonsense by clearing your airtime.

That was our kind of love.

I woke up every morning feeling like the luckiest man in the world. I would stare at other couples on the road and think “These people don’t even know what love is. Ours is the real deal.”  

At that time, I was also going through a really difficult spell financially. The company I was working for was having some cash flow issues hence our salaries would delay frequently.

Luckily, Koi was sent from heaven. She was never too concerned about my financial status. She believed in me and loved me for who I was. Whenever she came to my house, she always made sure to bring something whether it was avocado ya 10 bob or nyama ya 100 bob. She never showed up empty-handed. And when she arrived, she would clean the house, do the cooking, serve me, then relax with me as we talked and followed the latest TV series.

When Valentine’s Day finally came, I figured it would really be nice for me to spoil her. This woman had done so much for me and she deserved it. I even asked her to take a day off at work so that the day would be just about me and her.

“Beb, are you sure you have enough money for this?” she asked me. I told her I had money because we had been paid our arrears for the last two months. I was lying. I had actually borrowed a lot of cash from a friend.

“Umelipa bills zako zote? And have you sent your mum some money? I wouldn’t want you to spend a lot of money treating me if there are other urgent things to take care of. You know I wouldn’t mind even if we just sit in the house the whole day.”

She just wanted to make sure I wasn’t wasting money. She was different. I understood her but I also didn’t want to be the kind of guy that never treats his girlfriend. Even though I really didn’t have anything, I just had to do this. I had to show her she was special.

VALENTINE’S TREAT

I started by taking her for a movie at IMAX very early in the morning. After the movie date, I took her to a certain florist around Moi Avenue and bought her a bunch of flowers. She was delighted.

The treats were not over. I took her to Java then to a boutique where I bought her three dresses. Afterwards, I took her to Chicken Inn and eventually to Safari Walk for some nature time. It was a wonderful day.

When it was time to go back home, I insisted that we take a taxi. We felt like young lovers going to a prom date. Everything was so magical.

When we arrived at my place, I took out some crisp notes and paid the driver as we alighted at the gate. Koi was overjoyed as she held her flowers on one hand and bag full of dresses on the other hand. The smiles couldn’t leave our faces.

As we rushed to my house, I noticed that the neighbours were staring at us a lot. I thought they were just admiring our sweet love but then we reached my door and reality hit me. There were two more padlocks on top of mine. Yes, I hadn’t paid my rent and my house had been locked.

I felt like I was living what Mejja sang about in his hit song “Landlord.” Why me? Did the landlord have to do this on Valentine’s Day of all days? My head started spinning. The embarrassment was too much.

“Nini inaendelea kwani?” Koi asked with much concern.

LIES CATCH UP WITH ME

When I explained to her that I hadn’t paid the rent but was planning to, she was engulfed by fury. The smile vanished from her face and a stony expression substituted it. I had never seen her that angry. I swear that bubbles of visible froth were even forming at the corners of her lips. A noxious outburst soon followed.

“Why did you lie Philip? Why did you lie? You could have used the money we spent today to sort your rent. “

I tried to calm her down but she started crying. “Don’t touch me.” She yelled.” I have always been very understanding but you still lie?”

Eventually, she threw down the flowers and dresses and walked away. The neighbours were enjoying it, especially the ones that I never used to say hello to.

I quickly called my brother and borrowed some more money from him to pay the rent with. But when I called the landlord on phone and asked him to come and unlock my door, he said he wasn’t anywhere near so I had to wait.

“Niko Molo sai kwa shamba yangu. Wewe ngojea mpaka kesho. Si pia mimi nimengojea rent yako siku mingi?”

That night I had to sleep at my friend Tony’s place. I slept on the couch. Tony’s Valentine’s date was also present and worse still, she wasn’t the quiet type. So I had to spend the whole night listening to her…ummm…how do I call them? Love noises?

So, that’s how a landlord messed up my Valentine’s Day. Koi forgave me after a week of staying silent. However, when she discovered how much debt I had accumulated without telling her, it just made matters worse.

Eventually, cracks started forming in our once-perfect relationship. Arguments ensued and eventually, a focused man who had his affairs in order toppled my government. Koi left me for him. She is now married to the guy and they have twins.

“Sob…Sob”. Someone pass me a handkerchief, or a bucket to empty my tears in.

I took plenty of lessons from that experience though. I have never failed to pay my rent on time again. As a result, I have had a good relationship with landlords ever since. I have never ever lied to a girlfriend again too. I have also never taken any debt that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to repay.

I am clearly a better man. At least I think so…

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