Grieving at the workplace: Ways to deal with loss of colleague

At the work place, it is important to acknowledge that there is no universal response to grief. PHOTO | SHUTTERSTOCK

What you need to know:

  • It is important to note that people grieve differently, and this can be easily observed through their behaviour after they experience loss. S

  • ome people withdraw from society and keep to themselves. They choose not to talk about it.

  • Others slump quickly into depression, while others go about their lives as if nothing happened.

Losing a colleague, especially one you were close to, is not easy. It is a difficult and heart breaking experience to go through. Even more distressing is that there is no manual to address the death of a co-worker. Yet this is someone you have shared office space with, executed a project together, or simply exchanged jokes and affirmed each other when need be. How do you deal with their death?

“Grief is a complex emotion that can only be fully grasped by way of experience. You may be aware of what you are going through, but this is no guarantee that you will effectively deal with the emotions,” says Tabitha Mwai, a relationship coach and author of Grieving and Healing after Loss.

According to Tabitha, there is no template or standard way of processing loss. This process depends entirely on your personality, background and the support system at your disposal.

“When I wrote the book, it was a way for me to deal with my grief since I had lost someone who was very close to me. It started as a memoir, but after weeks of counselling, I still carried around a sad and heavy heart. As a way of coping, I looked for books to read and researched widely on the subject of death and grief. When I failed to find any content by a Kenyan author that I could relate to, I realised that perhaps I was not the only one. I started brainstorming on what I could do to change the situation, and that is when I decided to write the book. My aim was to help someone else deal with the pain,” she explains.

It is important to note that people grieve differently, and this can be easily observed through their behaviour after they experience loss. Some people withdraw from society and keep to themselves. They choose not to talk about it. Others slump quickly into depression, while others go about their lives as if nothing happened. Additionally, the death of a colleague may serve as an awakening to some, and may motivate them to resolve to lead more meaningful lives. However, others may trivialise it and adopt a “don’t care” attitude in regard to how they live. At the work place, it is important to acknowledge that there is no universal response to grief. If you can, aim at providing a conducive atmosphere for other employees. For instance, you could suggest a small introspective session where those who interacted with the deceased closely can meet and share their feelings and the memories. Some other ways of dealing with loss include:

Acknowledge the loss

With most people, the first reaction to the loss of a loved of one is denial. They called you last evening to discuss an assignment you were to undertake together, how can they be gone the following morning? Forever?

The first stage to healing is to acknowledge the loss. You can do this by openly sharing your emotions with fellow colleagues, and taking part in various rituals such as the memorial services and the funeral. This will help you gain closure.

Do not be in a rush to move on

Take your time to grieve, and move at your own pace until you are able to adjust to life without your colleague. You can write down your thoughts in a journal very day. Freely articulate what their death means to you, and what you are willing to do to honour them, then do it.

Visit his family

If possible, take some time off work and spend it with the family of the deceased. Engaging with them will help you acknowledge the loss as you come to terms with their death. Alternatively, find someone you trust and talk to them. Let those around you know that you have lost someone. You never know, they might actually help you in the healing process.

Counselling

How one reacts to a colleague’s death depends on the relationship they had with the deceased, or the circumstances that led to their death. If you find it extra hard to move on, consider seeking the services of a counsellor.

Memorise your colleague

You can do this by having a photo of them on your desk, or their favourite quote embedded on your notebook.  Some workplaces honour their dead employees by hanging their photos on the wall or naming a project after them.