How can we be discreet about our office relationship?

Q: My colleague and I have been in a romantic relationship for a year now. We have been discreet about it, and only meet outside the workplace. However, some colleagues have found out that we are dating. What is the best way to conduct ourselves without compromising our professionalism? Is it wrong to have such a relationship with a colleague?

You number among countless people who have dated at the workplace. With people spending copious amounts of time at the workplace and generally presenting fairer versions of themselves as they interact with their colleagues, it is unsurprising to find that some of them end up forming deeper relationships. Whether it is right or wrong remains a subject of debate, but some pundits have, tongue in cheek, described the workplace as a covert dating agency.

Organisations adopt different approaches towards dating among their employees. Some formulate policies that regulate or forbid dating altogether, while others remain indifferent about the subject. In general, however, most organisations are aware of the need to ensure that the roles of dating colleagues are as distinct as possible, to avoid pitfalls such as subjectivity in matters of performance assessment, or disciplinary issues.

Another expectation would be that those dating should demonstrate decency in their interactions, and remain aware of the risks that a fall out could introduce, including possible distortion of team dynamics. Regardless of the approaches organisations adopt, no policies can entirely suspend or emasculate human instincts among their employees. The more workplace rules you form, the more creative the employees get about finding a way around them.

A few questions for you as you ponder on how best to deal with your situation: does your organisation have policies that guide dating at the workplace? If so, are you adhering to them? Are you two conducting yourselves with the expected decorum at the office? Does your relationship create a situation where others could construe risk to the organisation? If so, have you thought about bringing this up with your line manager or HR? Are you more worried about whether other people discover your relationship, or whether it will go in the direction the two of you desire? How big is your organisation? If it was required of you by the organisation, would you be prepared to have one of you resign?

It is indeed possible to relate with your colleague without undermining professionalism, but at some point, you will have to make a call. This will be based on the stage of your courtship, and how comfortable both of you are to remain in the organisation.

Fred Gituku, Human Resources Practitioner ([email protected])