ASK HR: How do I handle unwanted attention from colleagues?

I am a marketing graduate, and got my first job a few weeks ago. I had looked forward to this job, but now I dread going to work every morning due to my male colleagues, who give me lots of unwanted attention; attention that makes me uncomfortable. How do I brush them off without offending them?

There is a lot that happens at the workplace that graduates are unprepared for as they leave academic institutions and start their careers.

Academic background only provides a starting point, the fact is that many of the most important lessons along the journey of your career will be learnt at the workplace.

This includes learning how to effectively work with, through and alongside others, an essential ingredient of a successful career that cannot be academically cultivated in social isolation or delivered through an app.

Based on your observation, what is it about you that your male colleagues are especially attracted to?

Regardless of whether it concerns elements of your nature or acquired social bearing, expressions of appreciation and interest are not abnormal unless they become suffocating or disrespectful.

What is the experience of your peers and other female colleagues? Does the culture in your organisation appear to encourage lack of restraint?

Consider confronting the individuals, respectfully stating that their attention is acknowledged yet unwanted. It is best to speak to the individuals personally.

If you find the attention disrespectful, say so. Your male colleagues may be uncomfortable with you telling them to mind their fascination with you but they will respect you for being firm about how you expect to be treated.

If their behaviour does not change, seek the help of your line manager or the human resources function.

Indicating that your male colleagues’ attention is unwanted does not mean that you do not need any form of interaction altogether, you will learn the right balance with time.

You neither want to be ostracised by colleagues nor desire swarms of worshipers crowding your life. Bear in mind however that you cannot eliminate all the din in your environment, your ability to tune into what matters most to you is more effective than attempts to mute all distractions.