Millennial besties who give us serious friendship goals

Every 30th day of July, the world marks the International Day of Friendship.  The World Friendship Crusade, an organisation that campaigns for the achievement of absolute peace through friendship, first proposed that the day be marked by exchange of gifts and cards in 1958. In 2011, the General Assembly of United Nations declared that day one to celebrate the infallible bonds of friendships.

Friendship, sociologists say, is a unique kind of relationship. It involves two or more people who are fond of one another, even in the absence of romantic interests. A connection founded on strong bonds of trust, and honesty. Various studies suggest that human connection and interaction can help reduce loneliness, and high blood pressure. One Swedish study published in 2015 underscores that having close relationships is beneficial to the heart.

But true friendships are hard to build and sustain. It takes a lot of commitment from both parties. This week, young people talk to us about their best friends’ finest attributes, the strength of their bond, and how they keep the good cheer going.

Emma Nalianya, 23, student

“I met my best friend Grace in the funniest of ways. It was our first day in Kenyatta University and we could not find our way to the School of Medicine. I was 18 and she, a year older.

A few minutes after we met, I realised that we shared the same sense of humour. As we went about looking for the building, we laughed at our shared naivety.

“Emma is open-minded and very funny. I like that we seem to have a similar mindset. For instance, we could see something, look at each other and laugh, without saying a word,” Grace shares and adds:

“We also have pet names for each other. Emma is Em and I am Ciella.”

“Grace is studying to be a pharmacist, while I am in my fifth year, on my way to becoming a doctor. These two courses require a lot of research and revision. Occasionally, we revise together when we are taking shared units, and encourage each other.

Grace lives in outside campus while I live in the university hostels. We meet up as often as our schedules allows but averagely, it is once every month. During this time, we talk about life in school, and our families. We do not hold it against each other when we stay for many days without meeting, because both of us understand that schoolwork can be quite demanding. However, we engage every day on WhatsApp and keep each other updated on upcoming events or opportunities.

As much as we are very close and our parents applaud this friendship, we have boundaries. We respect each other’s personal space and items. We do not take the friendship for granted.

What I like most about our friendship is that we are not in competition with each other. When I do something great, she is happy for me and vice versa. Interestingly, our personalities are quite different. I am somewhat an introvert, while she is not. I am not good at expressing myself. I am a good listener. But she is so good at expressing herself. I admire this aspect of her, and I always encourage her to reach for the stars.

“I know that look, what is wrong?” she asks whenever I am acting unusual. And it is almost always at the right moments. She knows all the non-verbal cues that indicate I am not okay. She knows if I’ve been crying and she is always concerned about my wellbeing.

Something else I like about Grace is that she is reliable. If I was in trouble needed urgent help, I would probably call her first. Although both of us have siblings, we are like sisters. In times of financial crisis, we help each other.

We usually tell each other: “If you came with a price tag, I would not afford you.” And we both laugh because it is so true.

Melody Gatwiri, 28, conveyance lawyer

“I once called my best friend, Peninah Wanjiku and asked her: "Are we friends or sisters?" We have a bond so strong that we consider each other family. I call her Shiku. She is 32-years-old.

In 2011, I was living in an apartment next to hers. Then, I was a student at Kenyatta University’s School of Law and at the same time running a beauty shop. 

“There’s a young woman I have sent to your house,” my mama mboga, whom we fondly called mama Wambo, told me one evening.

Shiku’s sister had an interview the following morning and she needed to iron her clothes. Apparently, where they lived, electricity consumption was capped, and conveniences such as ironing were considered too costly.

It turned out that we often bought vegetables at the same grocery store, and our meetings became more frequent. Before long, we started having deeper conversations. There were times when she could come to my house and stay for a week, and I would go to their home too. At one time, I was job hunting and having a really tough time.  When I remember those days, I smile. She really helped get through that period. 

“Are you still in our family?”’

My brothers sometimes ask jokingly.

This is because I am a regular visitor at Shiku’s home. When I have a celebration, say my daughter’s birthday, her mother or sometimes her entire family attends.

Shiku is an aggressive entrepreneur. She has a good business acumen. We have been running a supply venture together. We supply cereals to various schools and some government institutions. With my background in law, I handle the legal requirements and also help with bookkeeping.

What I value most about this friendship is that there is no pride. I think each of us as seen the other at her worst. Given, we sometimes disagree and argue, but at the end of the day we always make peace.

Moreover, we are interested in growing together. For instance, last year when I wanted to acquire some assets, Shiku chipped in with some money, and I did the same for her this year.

“If we have to grow, we will.” This is what we constantly tell each other.

For me, Shiku has been that friend who informs me of any good opportunity she comes across. Through her, I have attended entrepreneurs’ forums in different countries.

Some find it hard to believe that women can be as close as we are, largely because we have no secrets at all between us.

Diana Muthoni, 26, accountant

“In 2012, while I was a freshman in Kimathi University, I met a woman who later became my best friend Mary Wairimu. I was 19-years-old and she was 22.

At the time, we were both pursuing our Bachelor’s degree in Commerce. Coincidentally, we found ourselves in the same discussion group for an assignment.

“She has such beautiful, long hair.”

That is the first thought that crossed my mind as we sat next to each other. Then, I realised that she was just as petite as I was, and very good at solving accounting problems.

Throughout that semester, she helped me with class work and our friendship blossomed. We shared several experiences and I ended up associating closely with some of her acquaintances.

“Where is your sister?”

“How come you are revising by yourself today?”

We would get that a lot from other students whenever one appeared in public without the other.

If I did not have Mary as my best friend, I don’t know how I’d have navigated some seasons in my life.

For instance, while still in campus, during my fourth year, I got pregnant unexpectedly. I was unprepared and I did not know much about raising a child. I was just 23 years old.

Mary told me that “the baby is ours”, and that she would help me take care of him. “It will be okay,” she affirmed.

After classes, she would come to my rented house and help with the house chores without complaining. I did not even have to remind her. Thankfully, I had only two semesters left.

While working on our projects, I had the opportunity to repay her kindness back. She was having a tough time with her supervisor. I could not let her bear the pressure alone. We burned the midnight oil researching together. I did not have a hard time with my project, so it was easy to help her with hers.

When my child was born in 2016, she travelled from her home to see ‘our’ baby.

We celebrated our graduation day in style. We showed up in matching dresses. But finishing university was not the end of our friendship. At one point, we even ran a business together as I was still looking for a job.

We visit each other’s families and when I got married, she was happy for me. She later got married and last year, she became a mother too.  Because of our friendship, our husbands are good friends. She has made me a better person.  She is kind hearted and understanding, two values that I learnt from her.

However, it is not always rosy. Although Mary is kind hearted, she can get moody sometimes. Also, we have different tastes in fashion.

We fight over petty things. When we are out shopping for instance, which we occasionally do, and we disagree on our choices we sometimes get to a point where we tell each other to just take what pleases them.

Now that we are both working and have families, we do not meet often, but we interact a lot on social media.