Should I relocate with my husband or stay put?

The relocation supports him to move with family but I am scared of leaving my job and to some extent losing my financial independence. PHOTO| FILE

What you need to know:

  • Better still you have an opportunity to network with other spouses in similar circumstances, find an area of interest to keep yourselves busy.
  • Additionally, you could volunteer your skills and time for a worthy cause.

Q I am torn between leaving my job and following my husband to a foreign country where his employer has deployed him. The relocation supports him to move with family but I am scared of leaving my job and to some extent losing my financial independence. Please help me make a decision.

Being a trailing or accompanying spouse is not all way easy, but I know cases where families have relocated successfully and are enjoying their time out there.

First you must be open to your spouse about your fears, which are genuine. You need to reassure each other that one salary will take care of your financial needs, though from your question, it seems you are more worried about losing your job.

At this point you need to get you priorities right. A marriage is not about professional lives that you both have but first and foremost about companionship.

Your spouse will need your support to succeed in his role and for welfare of your family. Many international assignments are largely affected when the family does not fully settle down, shuttling across countries to visit each other can drain your energy.

It is also a known fact that prolonged absence from each other, which regularly happens in long distance relationships puts a strain in a marriage and many have caved in.

Looking at the brighter side. There are a number of things you can do to keep yourself busy. You can go back to school and add an academic qualification to your achievements. You could pursue a professional certificate in your area of training, or something totally different, something you have always wanted to do but never had the time or guts to.

You could look for online jobs that do not require work permits and keep yourself busy. You could use the opportunity to tour your new city, learn and share.

Better still you have an opportunity to network with other spouses in similar circumstances, find an area of interest to keep yourselves busy. Additionally, you could volunteer your skills and time for a worthy cause. So yes, there is a lot you can do to grow, keep yourself busy, be near your spouse and enjoy your marriage. Many times we come across as strong and fearless, but being brave enough to know when our strength should not limit us demonstrates the biggest strength of all. You have what it takes to make the right decision.