ASK HR: This attraction is preventing me from being productive

Q. I am 25, a year old in this company. At the beginning of this year, there was a reshuffle of seating arrangement in our department, and to my dismay, I was allocated space opposite a workmate that I find attractive, so much so, I become very nervous around him and can barely think straight. This has been affecting my concentration, hence my productivity because I am constantly aware of him. What do I do to take control of the situation?

Employees spend most of their working life at their places of work, therefore it is inevitable that they might form lasting social bonds with their colleagues.

What you are experiencing is therefore not inappropriate, however, you must remember the core reason for your being in your place of work. If the attraction is affecting your concentration and productivity, then you need to find a solution, and the sooner, the better.

You didn’t say whether you would be interested in a relationship with this colleague. If you would, you need to find out whether he is married or in a relationship, and if not, whether he too finds you attractive. 

If he is, establish what his value system is to gauge whether this is in line with yours. It is also important to find out whether your company has a policy that prohibits such relationships.

I suspect such a policy would only be against an intimate relationship if either of you reports to the other. If this is the case, most organisations would require that you declare the relationship so that one of you can be transferred to another department or leave the organisation.

In your case, should you get into a relationship, your sitting arrangement must be changed. The organisation might however decide that it does not want to get involved, therefore the option of changing your sitting position will not happen.

You must also prepare yourself for rejection in case your colleague is not interested. This is because whether the relationship works or not, you must fulfill your responsibilities at work, otherwise you might find yourself without a job.

That said, I feel that you need a mentor to guide you on how to manage your emotions and to separate them from your professional obligations. Getting the balance right might also require you to seek professional counselling from an expert on this matter.