ASK HR: Why didn’t my boss second me for this overseas trip?

Q. I consider one of my bosses at work a friend, though the friendship starts and ends in the office. I was therefore disappointed when, instead of me, he seconded a colleague for an overseas training that could have benefitted my career. Mark you, he often comments that I am a valued employee. Now I cannot stand him even saying hello to me. How do I let him know, without sounding petty, that I was disappointed?

There is a very thin line between professional camaraderie and social friendship. I will not be surprised if the comment he made about you being a valued employee was said when you were socialising in the office. At that point, he might have worn the hat of friendship, not that of a boss.

The first responsibility your boss has is to supervise you and ensure that you meet your targets. In the process, you might develop rapport, but a line must be drawn at some point. I say this because if you cross the professional line, what happens should you differ on an issue? Would it be possible to maintain a harmonious working relationship?

Your boss is on the right track and is carrying out his roles professionally, which is the correct way to behave. Usually, overseas training opportunities are given to employees who have either been earmarked for promotion, as a reward for exemplary performance, or for employees the company would like to learn a new skill that will benefit the organisation. It might also be used as a retention strategy for key talent. Do you see yourself in any of the above categories? If not, then your boss followed procedure.

Instead of sulking, it is more prudent to approach your boss and find out what you need to accomplish at work to earn an overseas training in future instead of sulking. Also seek to understand why the other employee was selected, this might assist you to know which areas to improve on or give you closure once you discover it was a more deserving case.

Worth noting is that more often than not, employees assume that the boss knows what they really want – have you ever expressed interest in pursuing a course overseas?

Withdrawing and refusing to talk to him will portray you as immature. That said, I advise that you disassociate yourself socially from this boss, but in calculated manner so that it is not obvious. Meanwhile, it breaks no bone if you returned his pleasantries, but strictly keep it professional.

I hope that your experience serves as a lesson, that being friendly to the boss does not necessary grant you favours, only the ones who truly deserve will benefit.