Dos and don’ts of text messaging when dating

Text messages are an efficient way to pass a quick message, but during dating they can be a double-edged sword. It may seem insignificant, but your text etiquette can either nip a blossoming love in the bud, or cause it to flourish. Here’s a look at how texts influence the direction a potential relationship will take:

1. THE DOWNSIDE: According to Dr Chris Hart, a psychologist based in Nairobi, while texts make communication easier, they also expose lovebirds to dating traps. “Texts are more flippant, more sexual and can be used to perpetuate lies or to serve up the brutal truth, to the detriment of budding relationships,” he warns.

2. TEXTSPEAK AND GRAMMAR: Texting language which is usually abbreviated and which disregards common grammar rules, is one of the most common pet peeves. Messages littered with acronyms such as ROTLF, SWYP and emoticons can be very annoying to the receiver and may make you look immature. Relationship coach Susan Gacheru advises people to observe grammatically correct sentence constructions and to proof-read messages before hitting the send button, to avoid turning off the recipient.

3. DURING AND AFTER A DATE: Even more annoying in this age of mobile phones, is going on a date with someone whose eyes and fingers are glued to their phone. “New couples get along much better when there are no mobile phones in sight to distract them,” says Dr Hart, adding that if you are expecting an important call or message, it is prudent to let your date know in advance. “Also remember to send an appreciative date after the first date and a message after you get intimate the first time, even if you don’t plan to see your date again.”

4. RESPONSE RATE: You should never respond to text messages from a potential date instantly. According to Dr Hart, waiting for a while will show that you have a life. However, you should also take note to respond in a timely way. “Try not to take hours to respond to a message from a love interest,” says psychologist Patrick Musau. “If you are not too familiar with someone, don’t text them beyond certain hours.” In the same vein, avoid drunk-texting or sending inappropriate emojis or photos.

5. LONG TEXTS: Long compositions are not a good idea; most people don’t have the time to read them. According to Musau, if you have lengthy issues to discuss, do not text them. “Also, do not take to SMS to express your heartfelt  feelings to a potential partner.” Dr Randi Gunther, a relationship coach and author of Heroic Love adds that you should avoid whining, complaining, making demands, or expressing anger in a text. And if you’ve gone on several dates and are comfortable sending each other sensual messages, keep them romantic, discreet and tasteful.