alexa HEART ADVICE: My marriage has hit the boredom rut. Help - Daily Nation

HEART ADVICE: My marriage has hit the boredom rut. Help

Friday January 5 2018

Picture of a sad couple.

This week, our woman feels disconnected from her husband and she’s wondering whether to walk away or stay. PHOTO| FILE 

MAURICE MATHEKA
By MAURICE MATHEKA
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Q: I am 35 and I have been married for five years. In the beginning, the marriage was full of excitement and new things. Lately though, it has become really boring. Every day feels the same. Sex has become just another chore rather than something I look forward to. I don’t know if this is normal, or if I have fallen out of love with him. Is my relationship unsalvageable? Should I stay and work on it? If so, how can we progress and bring back those old feelings? Please advice.

READERS’ ADVICE:

Do the small, simple things you used to do when you dated, like holding hands, making your spouse a cup of coffee, or complimenting each other. Don’t let the security of marriage cause you to stop investing in the relationship. Small acts can add up big. John Kings

 

The biggest sign that your marriage has lost spark is when communication fails. So first work on communication. Find more time for you and your husband. A man’s biggest need is respect so make sure you respect your husband. Sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship. It keeps you close, intimate and playful. Make it fun rather than being a chore and remember how much time and effort you put in it to please your partner when you first met. Be a wise wife.Good luck. Sarah K Jane

 

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The reason your marriage is boring is because you focused too much on the excitement. What you need to do is to love your partner just the way he is, try something new that you’ve never tried with him, visit new places, go for picnics and focus on your intimate moments as well. That’s how you can get the spark back in your marriage. Mwenja Kiha Joseph

 

Being married for a long time is a struggle, a joy and a chore.  One has to continually remake the spark and interest.  I suggest you get into therapy yourself and see what you are missing.  If your husband is truly a good man and good husband than maybe what you are feeling is a normal boredom with your life.  And perhaps it has nothing to do with your marriage. Lilian Mwende

 

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EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

I believe you and your partner have lost the lust factor which is an essential ingredient. I don’t believe you have lost love for him, it’s just thr day to day life that has created a rift between you in relation to relationship thrills. I also believe that your mindsets gradually changed when you embarked on marriage. You gained social status and lost your bond that led to fun times. You need to sit down and agree that you need to revive the friendship that created elements of fun. You need to go back to flirting so that you can reintroduce lust into your relationship. It is never too late but it is important that you mutually agree and rekindle the friendship you once had.

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