This week’s reader wants to know how to tell her boyfriend about her HIV diagnosis
I have been dating this guy for a year now. He says he wants to settle down with me and get married soon, and he is just preparing himself to propose.
So far I am happy with the relationship and I really love him. The problem is that in the run up to the proposal, we have been organising ourselves to be together, and one of the discussions we have had is around HIV.
We resolved to get tested together soon but I decided to get the test done on my own first so that I could be prepared. Maurice, the test came out positive. I am scared to tell him because I am afraid he will leave me.
But if we get tested together he will find out anyway and I will still lose him. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. How do I go around this problem?
Thanks for sharing your experience for this is the first step towards healing psychologically from trauma. The reason you needed to get tested was to know how to move your relationship to the next level.
It's important to share this information with him to end the anxiety. If he loves you he may decide to walk with you through the problem. All the best.
John Wambugu, via email.
Sharing the truth is something that you should embrace. You are already infected, and the best thing you should do is tell him the truth and let him decide the fate of your relationship. He might decide to still take you.
Kindly avoid infecting him with the same if he is safe. Calvin Queens, via email.
I am a HIV/Aids counsellor and would just like to reassure the young lady who wrote in that HIV is not difficult to live with as long as you live a healthy lifestyle and take your medication. It is possible to go on and even give birth to children naturally, and breastfeed them, without compromising their immunity. In order for a couple to understand how this works, they need licenced counselling and medical advice. Please let the young lady know there is nothing to despair about. Grace Mwangi, via email.
I recommend that you take the test again, preferably at a different facility. If the results are the same I urge you to take the test together so that you unveil each other’s results at that point.
There is no way of cushioning the eventuality; you owe it to him to inform him. To limit the blame game you better have the test together once you reconfirm your status. He may be the love of your life but you must make him aware before you move forward with your futuristic plans.
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
I have been dating my man for a year. He refuses to let me post about him on my social media, and now I am wondering if this is a sign that he might be in another relationship?
He knows I am very private and I would never post the everyday details of our lives, but a picture here and there should not be a problem, should it? Am I pushing too hard? Should I respect his wishes or should I take this as a clue that something is up?