What it really means when a guy buys you a drink

If a man takes you out to dinner or takes you out of town, that’s a gift! PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • Now, do not get me wrong, I am not saying that women should go around expecting free things.
  • I am all for men and women being political and economic equals. All for teaching young women to stand on their own feet.
  • This means that if a woman initiated a date with a man, then she should have no qualms about splitting the bill or paying for it altogether.

If a man takes you out to dinner or takes you out of town, that’s a gift! Don’t feel obligated to sleep with him or get into a relationship with him in return, if you don’t feel like it. By Joan Thatiah

 got into a lot of trouble with a couple of male friends recently when I posted on social media something to the effect that men should stop buying drinks with expectations. “Stop putting those ideas into women’s heads,” they told me. “A man never just randomly buys a woman an expensive dinner or drinks, and when he does, he is owed,” they said. The more expensive the meal or drinks, they said, the more easily she should pay up or the more obligated she should feel.

For the longest time, women have been going along with these expectations. It is the same concept our forefathers built their relationships upon, I have heard some people argue. They provided food and shelter for their women who, in return gave intimacy and bore children. So today’s man buys a woman food and expensive drinks in return for their charming feminine company and maybe a roll in the hay thereafter.

This give and take may have worked for our forefathers, but being a different era, we are ripe for a new strategy.

LET’S ALL BE ADULTS

Now, do not get me wrong, I am not saying that women should go around expecting free things. I am all for men and women being political and economic equals. All for teaching young women to stand on their own feet.  This means that if a woman initiated a date with a man, then she should have no qualms about splitting the bill or paying for it altogether.

On the flip side, men should stop paying bills with assumed expectations. I mean, we are all adults. If a man expects something more than a woman’s company when he asks her out for dinner, then he should make his expectations known. This way, when she makes the decision to go on this date or not, it is an informed decision.

A woman should be able to feel free to go on any date that she wishes to without feeling obligated to give anything in return thereafter – regardless of how much her date spent on the outing.

 Even if a man singles you out in a crowd and sends you a drink, drinking it doesn’t mean that you owe him. Yes, the drink is an indication of his interest, but he shouldn’t see it as a payment and expect certain services for it. You don’t even have to feel as if you should endure his boring company or engage him in tiring small talk for his efforts. Whatever he gave you was unsolicited and therefore you should see it as an unconditional offer, not an investment from which he should get a return, unless otherwise stated.

Any intentions that a man has regarding a particular woman, whether honourable or otherwise, should be made clear verbally. If a man decides to splurge on a woman he is interested in, if this woman isn’t receptive to him, then he has no right to complain that women take advantage of him. If a man buys an expensive dinner without stating his (hidden) intentions and gets nothing in return, that loss is on him. Don’t feel obliged to repay his  generosity or feel guilty about it.