Why won't my husband to acknowledge me on Facebook?
This week’s wife wants to know how to encourage her husband to acknowledge her on Facebook. FILE PHOTO |
What you need to know:
- He never posts any pictures of us; even our wedding pictures are missing from his page.
- I have tried to tell him that it makes me uncomfortable that he is hiding me like this, but he says I am making a really big deal out of it, and what should matter is that we are married and building our lives together.
Q: Maurice, how important is social media to a relationship? I am asking because my husband of six months has refused to change his relationship status to ‘married’ on Facebook. He never posts any pictures of us; even our wedding pictures are missing from his page. I have tried to tell him that it makes me uncomfortable that he is hiding me like this, but he says I am making a really big deal out of it, and what should matter is that we are married and building our lives together. However I feel like if he doesn’t acknowledge me publically, he is either leaving himself open to other women, or perhaps he’s got one foot out the door and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed if we eventually break up. What do you think?
READERS’ ADVICE
I know very many couples who litter my timeline with pictures of being so ‘in love’ with each other but the level of infidelity between them is extreme. Chris Tina, via Facebook.
Social media should not be an avenue to determine a marriage. Avoid talking about your relationship on social media. Marriage is private and not everyone needs to know your everyday marital activities. I do not see any reason why you should suspect your husband because of this. As a matter of fact, changing his status to married may make him easy prey to women who pursue married men. Calvin Queens, via email.
My advice; don’t have your wife or husband as your Facebook friend because there will always be something to fight about. My wife and I tried it and we had to agree to unfriend each other because it was the source of many arguments. My profile reads clearly that I am married, and so does hers, and we are happier. Lorenzo Benjamins, via Facebook.
Just let your man be and concentrate on better things. Some men prefer some things to remain private and that includes relationships and marriages. Did you meet him on social media by the way? If not, then why do you want your marriage to be nurtured on social media? Six months is too soon to start judging your husband; sometimes it takes a little longer for reality to sink in that one is finally married. And by the way, there are lots of men and women who are happily married but do not show their status on social media. You can’t conclude that he is hiding you yet he wedded you in front of a crowd. You can only be worried if you suspect that he is cheating on you. Albert Omuko, via email.
That guy has not yet made up his mind whether he wants to settle. You should get worried; maybe you’re getting played. Jaf Jm, via Facebook.
EXPERT ADVICE
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
This is my take on the matter: If your husband is not ready to expose your marriage to the world then despite you being married he may just not be ready to let go of his perceived freedom on social media. Does that mean he wants to look available to other women? Yes and no. Only he knows his true motives. It is important that you recognise that his change of marital status on Facebook will never be the confirmation of dedication and love to you. How he treats you will determine his affection towards you. He could easily display himself as married but still attract other women behind your back. You don’t need social media affirmation. The question is simple: do you trust in your partner? In many cases, he is more attractive to a large pool of women now that he is taken, so again I ask, do you trust him? You cannot live your life policing him; that in itself tells me you married the wrong character. If you believe you married a loyal man you need to let him reflect that side of him without you trying to force it or make him faithful.
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
I read this magazine’s feature on co-parenting and I thought I should bring my question here. My husband and I have been married for two years, dating two years before that, and he has a six year old daughter from another relationship. He gets on well with his baby mama – a little too well for my comfort. They do a lot of ‘family’ activities together while I don’t really get to spend enough time with my new ‘daughter’. I hear people say that exes who have children will always get back together. Is this true? Do I have anything to fear? How do I raise this with my husband without looking like a bitter, jealous wife?
