Should I take care of my ex’s baby?

Q: I dated a woman from last year September up to December. On December 25 she cheated on me with another man. I just ignored it and went on because she apologised to me but I did not have sex with her. The other day she called me and told me that she is pregnant but it is not my child. The disappointing part of it is that man has gone missing and even he told her he won’t take care of her. She is now my ex and she has asked me to take care of the growing foetus. Should I do it? (I real loved her.)

READERS' REPLY

Your girlfriend cheated on you and you forgave her, not knowing the possible outcome. To add insult to injury, she had unprotected sex and she is now pregnant. Think of it this way; suppose she contracted an infection? Let her bear the consequences of her own actions. Walk away and live your life. Calvin Queens, via email.

You seem to have dated this lady for about three months before you learnt that she was seeing another man. She is now carrying another man’s child and seeks your help. Love according to St. Paul is patient, kind, does not keep a record of wrongs, etc. You appear to have those qualities but I wonder if your ex has the same. It is not wrong to help her out of love and concern. However, it is very important to understand under what circumstances you are helping her out. Do you want her back? Is she ready for it? Does she love you? Please take your time to reflect on this to avoid future disappointments. John Wambugu via e-mail.

I salute her for being honest with you. I don’t think she loves you as much as you love her; she only needs you. This is evident from her request. The big question now begs: if you decide to take care of this pregnancy, how many more will she sire with other men and make you take care of? Once bitten twice shy. I would advise, be there for her emotionally and morally but don’t take responsibility. Ndiko Kinyanjui, via email.

You dated this woman and really loved her but she went ahead and cheated on you. It is commendable you forgave her and moved on. If you want to take care of her baby do it out of goodwill because I believe you are just friends. You only need to make sure that nothing happens between the two of you. Keep the boundaries and make her understand that both of you already moved on. Juma Felix, via email.

There is no excuse for cheating. It’s a choice. She chose to cheat on you. That shows that she never cared for your feelings and she never really loved you. If she knew you were important she wouldn’t have cheated on you. So let her carry her own cross. Wish her the best and move on with your life. Good luck. Sarah K Jane, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

I honestly believe the woman wants to take advantage of your caring side. It’s great to help another human being but in this case this is not your responsibility. Even if you once loved her it will not be enough to sustain your bond and in my opinion, you should not commit to a woman just because you feel sorry for her predicament. In the long run, your current feelings will not be the same and having witnessed this scenario before, you will be very miserable in the relationship you form with her because your foundation is weak and driven by pity. If you want to assist then only facilitate for her financial needs during her pregnancy but again, I remind you that one commitment will lead to another so tread carefully before you are pulled into a dynamic you cannot sustain.