A rebound is not that bad...

Rebound relationships are seen as selfish, one-sided and short-term. But are they? PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • Rebound sex can be a great way to remind yourself that you are still sexually attractive.
  • Be careful not to start having sex to show your ex he’s replaceable. Revenge inspired sexual encounters often end up creating bigger problems.
  • Make it clear you are after a no strings-attached arrangement, lest he starts building castles of a possible relationship.

After breaking up with someone, it might seem soothing to get into a relationship immediately. Generally, rebound relationships are seen as selfish, one-sided and short-term. But are they? Let us explore:

What’s wrong with rebound relationships: “(A rebound relationship of a sexual nature) could bruise you emotionally, especially when you get entangled with partners you know little about or who are only interested in sexual intercourse,” says Susan Krauss, a psychologist and the author of The Search for Fulfillment.

Eric Arori, a psychologist based in Nakuru, says that it is likely that rebound sex will be a one-night-stand that you weren’t looking forward to in the first place.

“It will not be a pursuit for pleasure or sexual and emotional connection. It will be likely be a one-time thing that will leave you feeling more depressed, especially if you prefer sexual encounters within the realm of a relationship as opposed to one-night-stands,” he says.

 

What’s good about rebound encounters: There is a brighter side to it too, says Dr. Nikki Goldstein, the author of Single but Dating. Rebound sex can be a great way to remind yourself that you are still sexually attractive and that there are admirers out there who sexually fantasise about you,” she says.

“This kind of sex will not only uplift your sunken mood, but also put you in a more positive head space. It will cut your last emotional ties to your past sexual partner.”

Arori says that if you want continuous rebound sexual encounters without the intention of building them up into a formal relationship, you will do well to let your partner know about your intentions early on.

“Make it clear you are after a no strings-attached arrangement, lest he starts building castles of a possible relationship. It is also highly advised that you stick to one partner,” he says. And don’t do it as a revenge tool!

“Be careful not to start having sex to show your ex he’s replaceable. Revenge inspired sexual encounters often end up creating bigger problems,” says Tina Tsinan, the author of It Ends With You.

 

Rebound after 30: If you are over 30, it is likely that your rebound relationship will work out rather than fail, says Terry Gaspard, the author of Daughters of Divorce. This is mainly because by this age, you have matured and know what you want and what not to get into.

“A rebound will be your fertile ground to germinating a long term, better and successful relationship and even marriage. You know what you want, you know your needs, and you understand your emotions well to control and steer them towards a certain direction,” she says.

The value: While getting into a rebound relationship may help you get over a broken relationship, your rebound partner will not necessarily be less valued than your ex.

“In fact, it can prove to have far greater worth than the previous relationship since it is through the comparisons of need satisfaction that fulfilment is judged,” says Mary Lamia, a psychologist and the author of Emotions: Making Sense of Your Feelings.