Am I too jealous of my boyfriend?

Q:My boyfriend and I are friends on Facebook. Recently he posted a picture of himself and a girl commented 'Babes'. He replied, 'Yes babes'.

He later said the girl is his best friend and I shouldn't worry about anything and I should trust him, though I'm not yet convinced at all.

I feel I'm too afraid of losing him and that's very bad for me because I feel that I'm the lady and I shouldn't act that desperate. He says he loves me and I love him too, but still, that comment made me think he's lying.

Please help… how do I deal with this? We have only been dating a few months but I am the very jealous kind.

READERS’ ADVICE:
Being jealous should not be a concern provided it plays a positive role in your relationship. Your boyfriend might be the flirty type but let him tell you if he has any unfinished business with any woman or the one he calls’ babe’.

Having been together for few months might not enable you to learn a lot about him; just take your time and have open communication as you get to know each other.

How he reacts after all this should enable you to make a decision before it's too late for you.

Juma Felix, via email.

It's unfortunate you have few months and these dramas have started. Try to talk to your man about how you feel about your relationship.

Let him know you are the jealous type. With this he will be in a position to give you the best treatment and make you feel like a woman. He should also draw boundaries with his friends and know to what level he should entertain them.

Of course, you should also know friends of opposite sex are there to stay. If need be, obey your instincts; better a broken relationship than a broken marriage. Best of luck!

Mercy Baiyenia, via email.

People use pet names liberally all the time. This should not be an issue. You say you are too afraid of losing him. This is a strong indicator that you do not have enough self-confidence. If he so much as gets a whiff of this, then that tips the balance in his favour. Not a good thing.

Try and get to know him better and how he is around his “best friend” but most importantly, learn to be independent even in a relationship. It is never that serious. After all, it’s been only a few months.

Njoroge Dennis, via email.

There are people who will comment on a person's post intentionally and others have no intentions at all. However, your boyfriend should have boundaries for how he addresses his friends in public.

Your speculation might be right or even wrong; it is only your boyfriend who should come clear on who the lady really is, and if she is his friend, he should then learn to address her as a friend and not a lover.

Discuss this with him, and let him know you did not like the idea of him using pet names as if she was his lover. Good luck.

Agnes Mutuku, Lower Kabete.

Expert advice

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

Granted, the scenario sounds suspicious; however, friends have all manner of labels for each other. The fact that he was confident enough to post while knowing you would be able to see the post tells me that there might be no issue.

However, for your own peace of mind I recommend you at least address the matter again by perhaps meeting her, if indeed he has nothing to hide. Don’t force him. If he hesitates or you feel he is not comfortable with you meeting her then you might consider asking him whether you are in an exclusive relationship or not.

He may love you but in his ideal setting he may have the flexibility of dating other women unknown to you. It’s advisable to reconfirm with him considering your relationship is still young. 

NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA

I met this girl in school in 2016 and we started dating. We are the same age but we live in different counties. She finished school before me and got a job.

Meanwhile, I noticed that she wasn’t so keen on texting me and would take her time to reply to my chats.

Early this year we met and she told me she had found a job abroad and wanted my advice on whether she should go.

I told her I would not hold her back from pursuing her dreams, since I didn’t have a job to support her with. I also reminded her to remember that I exist.

She left, but these days when I chat her she takes too long to reply and only sends short one-word messages. I still love her but something tells me I should move on. Should I?