Beauty amongst the scars

“My name is Caroline Wangari Verkaik, a Kenyan living in America.

I am a three-time previous winner of the Mrs. Kenya World title and a third runner up in the Mrs. World pageant. Currently, I am the reigning Mrs. Pennsylvania, which I scooped last month. But there’s more to my story. The crowns grace my head have been the result of a long journey that has been juxtaposed with pain, tears, hope and eventually joy.

I can trace this journey back to the weekend I got married in Nairobi in 1995. I had just gotten married to Martin* (name withheld). I thought I had hit the jackpot. Martin was handsome, and I was sure that he would make a loving and respectful husband. But I was wrong.

That weekend, Martin revealed his true colours. He suddenly became very possessive and controlling. I was taken aback at first. I thought that perhaps I was inadvertently making him livid and that he would soon come back to his senses. But he didn't.

Instead, he started accusing my female friends of spoiling me. My male acquaintances, friends, colleagues and even relatives became a threat to him. At one point, he restricted my friends and family from visiting. As months passed, he started peeping into my phone bills to see who I had called, and dial any numbers he felt suspicious of.

Six months later, he became physically violent and abusive.

DIVORCE

There were times when I thought of running away from him – but I wanted my marriage to work. I prayed for him to change but he was not religious, and would always rubbish churches as dens of hypocrisy.

In October that year, we were blessed with our first born daughter. A year later, in 1996, we migrated to New Jersey, US. I was hopeful that this would give us a clean slate. I got jobs at Kodak, first as a print operator and later as a lab analyst.

thought that perhaps his jealousy would subside. But things only got worse. Two years later, I filed for divorce.

Going through with the divorce was not easy. There were moments I would feel like changing my mind, especially when he played nice. But his behaviour had become a cycle of abuse and apologies. Not even the birth of our second born daughter in November of 2000 could change him.

I had to make a choice; I just couldn't take the abuse anymore. Before the end of that year, I took off and never looked back. By this time, I had secured a job as a flight attendant with Executive Jet Aviation, which helped me raise my daughters and meet my bills.

In November 2001, a friend invited me to a church in New Jersey where I ended up meeting my current husband, David. He was a praise and worship band member. From the first instance, I was struck by his vocal chords. Over the next few months, we became acquainted. He was also divorced with two children.

We dated for a few months, and got married in September 2002. In July 2003, we were blessed with a son. We would later be blessed with our sixth born in February, 2006.

Unknown to many, I had all along been wearing a brave face, while fighting endometriosis – a condition in which the tissue that lines the inside of a uterus grows outside the uterus. I had been suffering severe periods that would last for weeks.

Every cycle would always leave me so short of blood that there were times I'd come down with anaemia.

SURGERY

In March 2008, I suffered intense internal bleeding and checked in at St Mary's Hospital in Passaic, New Jersey, for treatment. Upon examination, the doctors recommended that I undergo a hysterectomy.

The surgery was conducted the following day, and two weeks later, I was discharged. My condition worsened despite returning to the hospital for check-ups.

I was transferred and admitted at Lehigh Valley Hospital in Pennsylvania, where scans showed that I had accumulated a lot of fluids after my surgery. The fluids would be ejected and in a few weeks, they would accumulate again. This back and forth lasted until November 2008, when my obstetrician, Dr. Chester Smith, told us that ultrasound scans had showed that my uterus had so many scars resulting from my first surgery that no doctor wanted to get in there and correct them.

He transferred my case to a higher ranking specialist at the hospital known as Dr. Martin Martini who set me or a series of corrective surgeries and medications. These lasted until March 2016 when the final surgery to remove a cyst and my ovaries was done.

GIVING BACK
Today, I do not look back at the years of misery and pain, but at the joys of being healthy and free from pain.

Currently, I am running my Mrs. Pennsylvania crown with a tag on teenage deaths by suicide and depression because I have close people with deep struggles against depression.

Above all, my heart is still in Kenya even though I reside in the US. I believe in trying to give chances to fellow Kenyan women to learn and grow for we are all who we are because of someone else.

Later this year, I will be hosting the Women Leaders International in Asia in Kenya, in a bid to help Kenyan women entrepreneurs network with business women from other global markets. I am also looking to liaise with female entrepreneurs in Kenya, with whom we can arrange a good reception for this forum."