HEART ADVICE: Can I force my baby daddy to pay?

Friday November 09 2018

He used to support us but then he stopped, saying our child was not his. Now he says he will only support me in exchange for sex. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP


Q: My boyfriend and I have a child. He used to support us but then he stopped. When I asked why he did so, he said the child was not his and he would not support someone else’s child. Now he says he will only support me in exchange for sex. What do I do?



Sorry for what you are going through; single parenting is not a walk in the park. Your boyfriend has to know the consequence of not taking care of his child.

Even if you have your differences, the baby should not suffer. Also remember you can't force love.

Try to talk to him or use someone to talk to him. Let him know you can take legal action, and a DNA test can prove his right of responsibility.


Don't act desperate for him; he may also be taking advantage of you. Clearly he has shown you he has no business with you.

Mercy Baiyenia, via email.


It is important to ask yourself why your boyfriend suddenly changed. Are you the reason for his silence? Have you given him a reason to doubt the child's identity?

I would recommend that you suggest a DNA test, if you are really sure the child is his. Also plan to have a serious talk with him and let him open up about his fears.

Calvin Queens, via email.


There is no reason on earth for you to give in to his demands, which are unreasonable. Your ‘boyfriend’ is clearly taking advantage of your desperate situation.

You need to know that when it comes down to it, you are able to take care of your child on your own. You can find a job or start a business.

Do not do anything you feel will compromise your values. Also, maybe it’s time to stop calling him your boyfriend and start calling him your ex?

Grace Mwita, via email.



Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

When I consider the fact that you refer to him as your boyfriend and not ex, I can only assume that he is still in your life despite your current predicament.

Only you can decide what you are willing to do to make sure that your child is taken care of but you also need to ask yourself if such a conditional relationship is healthy for your emotional wellbeing.

Your maternal instincts will drive you to sacrifice your own principals but at what cost? Being a sex slave will not be easy.

Long-term, you should work hard to establish avenues to provide for your child so that you can explore your own potential instead of living with a man who undervalues you.