Celebrate your flaws

Taruri Gatere’s happiest moments were as a child, before she turned 12. Generally a happy child with a very active imagination, she spent hours in pretend play, acting out different roles with friends.

Not drawn to the usual blada or shake, she’d come up with elaborate games like being a shipwrecked captain surviving on a deserted island, or being a member of a band that was struggling to get gigs. She doesn’t remember spending that much time in front of the mirror as a kid, but that would change as a teenager.

Taruri was an early bloomer. By the age of ten, she was already in the early stages of puberty and her hips were beginning to widen. She was complimented numerous times for having a “nice figure eight”, and she would prance about proudly showing it off.

However, her hips never stopped growing. They grew bigger and bigger and by the time she got to high school (State House Girls in Nairobi) the admiration had changed to shock.

“Back then the booty wasn’t celebrated as it is now. The comments changed from ‘wow’ to ‘Oh my God! Look at how big your hips and butt are!’

She was only 14, just discovering herself and trying to form an identity, so naturally, the comments began to get to her. Matters were made worse by the fact that she wasn’t part of the popular clique, so the taunts came fast and hard and there was nobody to stand up for her.

“They chipped away at my self-confidence until I began to starve myself in a bid to ‘shed’ the hips,” she recalls.

TAUNTS AND JEERS

“And even though the hips got me some attention from the boys during inter-school events, the jeers had left a bigger mark; I was never comfortable in my skin. I wore baggy oversize sweaters that went all the way to my thighs in an attempt to camouflage

the curves. I also went overboard with exercise. I wanted to do everything I could, to get rid of this curse that was my curves,” she says.

Her efforts to get the perfect body, the body that people would praise just like they did when she was a pre-teen, put immense strain on her body and she developed acute bronchitis. Her parents took her to a private day school (Loreto Convent) so they could

monitor her health from home. There, there was some calm before the next storm. No one talked about her hips. Things went relatively well until she completed her secondary school education.

“Without the usual taunts, I had put exercise on the back burner and started eating more; and because my body was used to being famished, it began to store all the fat as if it was protecting itself against my next anti-fat onslaught.

Due to negative body image, Taruri struggled with low confidence for years. At 18, her dream of being a model was crushed numerous times when scout after scout and tape measure after tape measure gave her the same verdict: her hips were too wide.

“I got tired of having my hips measured and being told that they were beyond the preferred size. It broke my heart every time especially because I was hardly eating anything and I had nothing to show for my efforts.

“I fantasised about having Christina Aguilera’s body in her video Dirty. I was dying to have her slim hips with bones jutting out, tiny waist, small bum and the all-important thigh gap. I actually achieved that body when I was 17, weighing a paltry 50 kilos that

were too little for my frame and also the lowest I have ever weighed, but still I wasn’t enough. It was like there was this permanent image of a Taruri with hips that were too big in the mirror and that was all I saw when I looked,” she says.

At 19, and I had put on an extra 15 kilos. As soon as I noticed the weight, I began to starve myself again. I was desperate to lose the weight, to go back to the place of calm and zero taunts.

“It became this frustrating struggle of losing and gaining. So one day I sat down and asked myself why I was killing myself slowly but surely, trying to get the Aguilera body. I pondered over how good it would feel for a woman to be comfortable in her skin

and just be, without being bothered by the beauty box that society tried to put her in … I also thought about a safe space, like a bubble, where a woman like me would not have to worry about the size of her hips or waist; a place where I could just be myself, flaws and all, without trying to change a thing,” she recalls.

BIRTH OF A MOVEMENT

That thought was the seed that laid the foundation for Flawnt It, a blog that Taruri started three months ago to promote body acceptance by celebrating one’s flaws. On the blog, the subjects (flawnters) share pictures of what they and the world consider

unsightly flaws and allow the world to see the parts of them that they usually keep under wraps. From premature balding heads that were previously camouflaged with a clean shave, to wobbly bellies hanging under the weight of stubborn baby fat and severe

acne that is always covered up with a mask of makeup, the subjects bare it all for the world to see the very imperfections that they have been trying to conceal. However, the time was not ripe for such a blog yet, so Taruri left for Italy to study fashion

design at the Polimoda Institute.

 Last year, five years later, she came back to Kenya, as a more confident 30-year-old, after completing her studies. However, she was still struggling with cellulite on her thighs. She immediately started work on the blog; she wanted to create a movement of people who were learning to get comfortable with their flaws, so much so, that they stopped trying to hide them and instead flaunted them just as they would their best features. Taruri teamed up with Kombo Muoka, a photographer, who coined a fitting name for the movement “Flawnt It” a portmanteau of “flaw” and “flaunt”.

Although she had resolved to do this potentially controversial blog, it did not come easy. The first photo shoot took hours because Taruri had to take time out often to cry. It was a very emotional process that left her feeling vulnerable and exposed as well as gave her relief for finally doing it. Taruri has seen this in each of the nine flawnters (seven women and two men) featured on her blog. During the photo shoots, only three people are present (the flawnter, Taruri and Kombo) so that the flawnter does not feel exposed before she is completely sure about going through with it. Taruri talks about her experience:

“Kombo took pictures of me ‘flawnting’ my cellulite and put it up on the Flawnt It Facebook page, but with my face cropped out. That is the photo that gathered all the interest from everyone who has volunteered to flawnt his/her flaws on the blog. After that first picture, I posted a full picture as a teaser three weeks before I went live on the blog in October last year.”

The (Sunday) night before Taruri’s article came out, she was very nervous and had to take a few shots of whiskey to calm her nerves and keep her from succumbing to fear. She kept mumbling to herself that everything was going to be okay, that the

message was more important than her fear. And when it did eventually go live on 19th October 2015, she was surprised by the responses.

PLENTY OF COMPANY

“As the comments trickled in, I realised that I was not alone. So many other people were struggling with their body image, just as I was. Many gave me a pat on the back for being so brave as to bare myself like that, possibly to ridicule. Many said that I had

inspired them and they were starting to look at their bodily imperfections in a different light,” she explains.

These mostly positive responses, have also helped the other flawnters deal with their insecurities. Ever since that first post, she has not had to solicit for participants; though some have come on board in response to conversations with Kombo, the

photographer, most are volunteers who find her page and offer to flawnt their flaws. The current flawnters have also helped by making the movement their own and even becoming like part of the Flawnt It team. They are now the movement’s ambassadors

and promote it on social media. The Flawnt it Facebook page has 1983 likes. Once you join the movement and become a flawnter, you are added to a WhatsApp group where you can share experiences with the other flawnters and cheer on the next flawnter.

While it requires bravery, broadcasting your flaws for all to see does not automatically solve your body image issues, but it helps some, as Taruri and her fellow flawnters have learnt.

“Flawnting is the first step in the journey of accepting your flaws or loving yourself.  A negative body image is created little by little over the years, so it will probably take years to undo the damage and recreate a positive body image. So this isn’t really a

“fixing” kind of movement. Even though it helps people to start loving themselves, it is more about going on a journey and having conversations with each other about the mental attitudes we have about our bodies and their imperfections.”

 “Once in a while, I catch myself criticising my body, but it is way less damaging than it used to be. It’s a habit that will eventually fade, so I just laugh it off and affirm myself. That’s what you do to keep your inner critic at bay: feed your self-love. Say

good things about yourself to yourself all day long. I also threw out clothes that didn’t make me feel good, like those jeans I used to fit into when my hips were 38 inches. I had to let them go because they weren’t healthy for my state of mind.”

The other thing that Taruri has learnt is that even the most seemingly “perfect” women struggle with accepting their bodies and it is a function of their perceptions, something that begins in the mind. It may not be visible to the crowds who admire her, but to

such a woman, her flaws are all she sees when she looks at herself, not the beauty that everyone else seems to sing about. Another lesson is that sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, seeing flaws that other people don’t see, or hating the very thing that

people like about us. In Taruri’s case, while she felt “less than” because of her cellulite, none of her boyfriends ever brought it up.

NAGGING INSECURITIES

“I’d bring up my cellulite, because I was insecure about it and because I wanted to know if they were disgusted by it; I was worried that they were, but in reality they weren’t. They didn’t even notice. Right now, I don’t really care. My dimples are part of

the package,” says Taruri.

Since she knows about the struggles of people with flaws, Taruri responds to all inboxes on Facebook personally. Subsequently, between the photo shoots, the interviews and publishing, she has had to forsake a career as a fashion designer, to focus on

Flawnt It. However, she crotchets clothing items for her By Taruri label, to earn enough to get by. She also enrolled for life coach training to support her work at Flawnt It and is waiting to be certified this month.

Beyond Flawnt It and inspired by her own childhood and that of her 14-year-old niece, Taruri, plans to start a mentorship programme to help girls focus more on their health than their appearance and perceived flaws. She also goes out of her way to promote positive body image, especially in the women she meets.

“People who are struggling with their ‘flaws’ already know them. There is no need to keep pointing it out. If you feel that their health is at risk, address it in a compassionate and gentle way. I have had aunties and uncles tell me things like, ‘Heh, and these

days you are growing fat!’ Or when I had bad acne, ‘what’s wrong with your face?’ Such statements left me shattered and chipped away at my self-esteem each time.”

 “Body image is mostly a consequence of what other people say about us. We soak it in and make it a bitter truth that weighs us down for years. That’s why we should be conscious about what we say to others. Affirm and compliment people, see the best

in them. In fact, unless someone asks you to talk about it, keep your opinion about her body to yourself.”

TIPS FOR A BETTER BODY IMAGE

1. Have things in your wardrobe that make you feel awesome about yourself, a nice blouse, fancy heels, beautiful scarves or jewellery that makes you walk with a spring because it makes you feel beautiful.

2. Create a playlist of music that makes you feel good about yourself. Songs like "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars, "Video" by Indie Arie and Des’ree’s "You Gotta Be", among others will make you feel better.

3. Keep the company of people who are supportive and who don’t put you down. Cut down time spent with people who critiscise your body.

4. When someone starts to talk negatively about their body or yours, change topic to something more positive. Instead of physical attributes, discuss feelings and how you can both feel better.

5. Whenever you catch yourself criticising your body or that of other people, replace the negative thought with a positive one. Say a positive affirmation. Replace that frown with a smile. Meditate. Breath.

6. Stop comparing your body with that of other people. Everyone struggles with their own body insecurities. When you stand in front of the mirror, count everything you love about your body and yourself loudly.

7.  Be gentle with yourself and others. Don’t bash yourself, be compassionate. Schedule time for long, warm baths, a spa treatment, an inspiring book and so forth.

8. Fake it till you make it. You won’t always feel awesome. On days when you are feeling low, dress up, stand up straight, keep your head up and walk with a spring in your step.

TARURI’S THOUGHTS...

On sharing her body image struggles with her parents

When I told my parents why I was always sick in high school, my mum was deeply saddened. I don’t quite remember what she said, but my dad said “Why? You’ve always been beautiful!”

On fashion inspired by the need to hide flaws

When I used to design clothes, I’d try to find a balance between what looked good on a certain body type and what the customer wanted to wear. Right now, I don’t care about that. Now I say, people should wear whatever makes them feel good. Do you!

On whether Flawnt It fixes negative body image once and for all

Acceptance of yourself is key, and that is an inside job that manifests outwardly in different ways. After becoming a flawnter and learning to accept your flaws, some people like me start showing them off,  but others might still opt to hide their flaws for various reasons. It is a personal thing.