alexa Is the dating crisis real or imagined? - Daily Nation

Is the dating crisis real or imagined?

Saturday November 9 2019

online dating

It's the era of online dating and social media. Unlike before, one can meet a potential mate in seconds and they could be anywhere in the world. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP 

LILYS NJERU
By LILYS NJERU
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CAROLINE MUNANO
By CAROLINE MUNANO
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When the census report 2019 came out this week, one of the shockers was that the disparity between men and women was minimal.

There are 23.5 males and 24 million females, which is a difference of just half a million.

For the longest time, self-certified historians had it that the ratio of men to women was 1 to 3.

It, therefore, went without saying that men should have more than one woman to set the balance.

Polygamy was justified using the figures. Women are supposed to understand when he brings another woman home or beds the girl next door because women are everywhere.

Now, the judgment is out. The street ratios are off and hopefully, this is the last we hear of the justification.

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DATING AVENUES

If the numbers are to be believed, most women should be able to comfortably find a mate, right? The reality is different.

Many women today decry the lack of enough grooms to date and walk them down the aisle.

Why is there a dating crisis then? Why are some men still able to get more than their fair share of females?

Is it that the meeting places have narrowed? Actually, it's the opposite. It's the era of online dating and social media.

Unlike before, one can meet a potential mate in seconds and they could be anywhere in the world.

Moreover, the dating platforms have perfected the art of matchmaking to reduce the misses.

'There aren't enough "economically attractive" men — ones with a good income and a stable job — for single women to marry,' reports a new study.

FINANCIAL STABILITY

The study, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, says that women still want what their great grandmothers wanted — security — and in today's era, that means money.

"Economic stability is a key to a stable family life — to getting married, staying married, and marrying well," he says.

"Physical attractiveness may provide an initial filter that draws our attention, but economic considerations and shared values matter much more in the long term. A good job attracts and retains suitable marital partners. And this is true for both men and women," writes the lead author, Daniel T. Lichter, a professor at Cornell University.

Antonia Nyakio is 31 years old and has been single for the last two years. The banker says finance is a priority in a potential mate.

Her ex was broke, and she swears she learnt a big lesson. Never again.

"I would foot most of my ex's expenses and he would spend part of his school holidays at my place. He was a student, jobless and I was working. He was also slightly older. After three years of dating, he came to my house one particular evening and said that he was calling it quits," she offers.

EMPOWERMENT

That was her turning point. She decided that she would rather stay single than have to support a man or date a man who is still struggling financially.

"Those particular men are hard to come by but I would rather continue being single than lowering the bar," she says.

You have heard the cliché phrase, "what a man can do a woman can do better". It's rooted in the female empowerment movement, one that was supposed to lift that girl from the kitchen to the boardroom.

But when the girls were given this memo, the boy was left behind mostly with no role model. On the dating scene, the two minds are a mismatch.

Take Sally Amutavi for example. She was raised in a home where she was told she has all it takes to take over the world.

With her single mother as a strong pillar, the 27-year-old saw her mother brave it all.

"My mum built a million-dollar business from scratch. I was so motivated to do the same one day," says Sally.

By 19, Sally hade registered her company while still at university. Now her company is fully-fledged.

AMBITION

However, Sally has been single for the last four years. "I have tried dating sites and cocktail parties with no success," she says.

In the past, she dated. "I couldn't cope with my first boyfriend. All he wanted was to party and watch "Walking Dead" and "Game of Thrones" and I was busy reading Robert Kiyosaki's Retire Young, Retire Rich," she muses.

Then later she dated and again her ambition got in the way. "His ego was wounded when I landed a managerial position, while he was still an assistant," she tells.

Sally has a radiating smile and dreamy round eyes that many find beautiful.

However, she is the type of woman who will choose to learn a new craft instead of going on a date.

"I am looking for Mr Right. He has to accept that I am a go-getter," she sums up.

For decades, a woman's place was in the kitchen or at home watching over the children as the men worked.

Now, more than ever, women are taking up executive positions at workplaces and running remarkable businesses.

INDEPENDENCE

The so-called 'independent woman' has proved that she can manage her home and work affairs perfectly and still have her nails manicured.

"I lost my parents when I turned 20 through a car accident. It left me the sole provider for my two younger siblings," shares Lilian Njau, who recently turned 30.

"I have had to focus on them and ensure that I provide a good life for them. This has hurt my dating life, but I am not complaining," she offers.

Lilian, a manager at a telecommunication company, has to work six days a week, drop her sister to school before work and prepare dinner every day for them.

"The guys I have dated have walked out on me because of my need to be a provider to my siblings and my unavailability to hang out with them often," she says.

"I can comfortably cater for all our expenses, because of my career and investments. Once the guys I am dating find out the many roles I play, they feel threated," she says.

"I have gathered that men do not want an independent woman mainly because she can make her own decisions, and she knows what she wants," she says.

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