HEART ADVICE: Could he be seeing another woman?

Saturday February 23 2019

This week’s reader is wondering what to do after her man said he needs space. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

This week’s reader is wondering what to do after her man said he needs space. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

MAURICE MATHEKA
By MAURICE MATHEKA
More by this Author

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, and he has already introduced me to his family. However, I had to travel for two months for a job assignment but on coming back, I noticed he was acting in a weird way.

He no longer wants to talk to me and he has been avoiding intimacy.

He has completely changed and is no longer the loving boyfriend he was.

When I enquire on what the problem might be, he says there is something bothering him, and that he needs space.

What should I do? Do you think he is seeing another woman?

 

READERS’ ADVICE

Often, when a man tells a woman he needs space, he's saying that he wants to walk out of the relationship.

A request from a man for space usually doesn’t mean that he needs to be alone so that he can be a better person … and thus a better partner to you.

It means he most likely doesn’t want to be your boyfriend anymore, but he’s so worried about hurting your feelings. Smell the coffee and move on with your life. Ian Njeru, via mail

 

He could be having a genuine reason. Perhaps he's going through a tough time. Just leave him in his own bubble to figure it out.

Believe him, and let him have the space he’s looking for. If you do that, he will be able to concentrate and solve whatever’s bothering him. Don't try to draw him back to you. Don’t text or call him or stalk him on social media.

James Nick, via mail

 

Give him the space he asked for and assume nothing has happened.

With all your extra time now that you won’t be visiting each other, work on yourself by doing what makes you feel happy and fulfilled.

As you’re doing so, you’re also reducing your investment in him, therefore that sense of powerlessness will quickly evaporate.

When you take the opportunity to get your best self back, even if he doesn’t come back, you’re going to feel fantastic again, like the great woman you are.

Juliah Kerubo, via mail

 

Lady Luck strikes when you least expect. It is high time you give him the space he is asking for. That will answer all the questions you may have. Don't force anything, if it is out of reach, it is not for the season. Just take it as he offers, you could be the bother.

Peter Gitau, via mail

 

Why are you asking the question yet he has given you the answer … space is what he wants, so let him be. He's just a boyfriend, so stop acting like he has already paid dowry for you.

Sally Maina, via Facebook

 

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

It may seem like a show of love and seriousness when someone introduces you to their family but sometimes it’s based on a degree of obligation.

In my opinion, your boyfriend was not ready for the kind of commitment he portrayed and that your departure gave him the time to reconsider his life and especially pertaining to your relationship.

The unfortunate thing is that he cannot outrightly tell you what he really wants hence the ‘I need space’.

Whatever you do and however painful it may be, never force a man to be in a space he is not comfortable with otherwise it may lead him to marrying you to avoid conflict which is not a reason to embark on that journey.

It is better to have a man who wants to come home than having a man who only comes home because it is expected of him. Let him be and let him be the one to open up and tell you the truth at his own time.

Advertisement