Crossed wires

“Are you upset because you thought I was avoiding you?” Chris asks me on the phone. and I can tell he is genuinely puzzled. ILLUSTRATION| JOHN NGARI

What you need to know:

  • Come to think of it, if this is a small misunderstanding, isn’t it better for us to just have sorted it out on the phone?
  • Why is he bothering to come over at this time of night?? ‘I know Chris, he’s too much of a gentleman to break up with me on the phone.
  • Maybe he’s coming over to do it face to face,’ I mumble to myself. Oh Lord, that must be what’s going!

“Are you upset because you thought I was avoiding you?” Chris asks me on the phone. and I can tell he is genuinely puzzled.

“Yes…” I reply hesitantly.

“But Liz, why would I want to do that?”

“Because… I don’t know…”

“Ok. We need to talk,” he says, “and we can’t do this on the phone. If you’re at home, I’m coming right over.” And he hangs up.

I start chewing my nails in anxiety; I have no way to explain why I jumped to conclusions so hastily. I try to put myself in his shoes; if I had been sick and bed-ridden all day and my man accused me of avoiding him, I would dump his insecure behind. But here we are; he wants to talk instead of dumping me. But wait! What if he’s coming here to dump me?! It’s clear I have deep insecurities I need to deal with. And who wants to deal with that sort of baggage if it’s not their own.

Come to think of it, if this is a small misunderstanding, isn’t it better for us to just have sorted it out on the phone? Why is he bothering to come over at this time of night?? ‘I know Chris, he’s too much of a gentleman to break up with me on the phone. Maybe he’s coming over to do it face to face,’ I mumble to myself. Oh Lord, that must be what’s going!

I pick up the phone and call Jo in a panic; she sounds sleepy when she picks up. “This had better be urgent, Liz, I’ve had an exhausting day,” she mumbles. “I think Chris is on his way to break up with me!” I yelp. And then I give Jo a short breakdown of my conversation with him.

“What? Is that it?” she says when I am done. I pull the phone away from my ear for a second to look at it askance, as if Jo can see me on the other end. “Listen, call me tomorrow – no, scratch that, call me next Saturday and not a second before that because I am tired and sleepy and I have no capacity for your dramas right now. Good night!”

“Wha-,” I start to yell, but she’s clicked off. I stubbornly press my finger down on her number a second time. ‘Mteja wa nambari…’. Right. I can’t believe my best friend has shut me out like this. Nkt.

I am pacing up and down my living room now, wearing my anxiety like a heavy cloak. I glance up at the clock on wall. It’s been half an hour since Chris and I spoke. I may have at least five more minutes before he arrives; maybe I can run out of the house and drive somewhere before he gets here so that he doesn’t find me. ‘Brilliant idea,’ I tell myself as I fetch my coat and handbag and run towards my front door.

…and just as I fling it open, there is Chris, raising his hand to knock on my door. “Oh, how timely,” he says, stepping into my house smoothly as my jaw drops. I sigh and turn around, following him into my house with my shoulders drooping. I place my bag and coat gently on the sofa in the sitting room and sit down.

“I know why you’re here,” I say softly.

“You do? So why don’t I get a welcome hug or something?” he stretches out his hands hopefully, standing in front of me. What a cruel way to start the break-up speech. I would rather we maintain our physical distance than pretend there’s any intimacy left between us.

“It would be too painful,” I say, balancing tears on my lids.

“Eh?” Chris frowns. “If you mean it would be painful for my stomach, you’d be wrong. I’m all healed now.”

“That’s not what I am talking about!” I look up at Chris, the pain in my eyes evident from the panicked way he looks at me the minute his eyes alight on mine.

“What are you talking about then,” he scratches his head. “Is everything ok? What have I done now?” Chris parks himself next to me on the couch and thus starts the most confusing conversation I have heard in a long while.