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SEXUAL HEALTH: Dealing with a man’s worst nightmare

Saturday January 26 2019

Prof Joachim Osur helps a client who has lost his self-esteem because he always finishes too soon in the bedroom. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

Prof Joachim Osur helps a client who has lost his self-esteem because he always finishes too soon in the bedroom. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

JOACHIM OSUR
By JOACHIM OSUR
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Does masturbation actually lead to premature ejaculation? That is the question that raced through my mind as I listened to Jackson narrate his story.

“The positive side to the story is that I put all my energy to studying how to drown my frustrations with women,” he said, “maybe I would not be an engineer today if I did not chicken out of the various relationships I had started while in high school and university.”

Like most people, Jackson discovered how to masturbate when he was a teenager. It is known that most teenagers masturbate as part of developing sexually. They later stop it when they discover sexual partners. As expected, Jackson started getting attracted to girls. He fell in love for the first time at the age of 16 years. He went ahead and convinced the girl, who was his age mate and classmate, to have sex. He, however, ejaculated as soon as the girl kissed him. They ended up not having sex because he lost his erection.

The relationship did not go far. Embarrassed and faced with severe peer pressure to show his sexual prowess, Jackson went for a second girlfriend at the age of 18 years. As fate would have it, one day he ejaculated as soon as the girl touched him.

“It was so embarrassing and stressful. I never met the girl privately again,” he explained. It was at that point that Jackson decided to forget girlfriends. He then immersed himself in books. He studied with a vengeance to cover up for his frustrations in sex. This paid off and he joined university to study engineering.

PREMATURE EJACULATION

Jackson’s body, however, remained desirous of sex. He went back to masturbation to cool the fire. He would masturbate two to three times a week until he finished his course. But he would always feel guilty after masturbation. He feared that he would never have normal sex or impregnate a woman because of the frequent masturbation.

But a more difficult challenge was awaiting Jackson. He was summoned by the elders to explain why he did not want to marry. He had hit 40, had a stable job in a construction firm, and had invested quite a bit. The old men were not happy and they thought he was being careless with his life. They gave him an ultimatum to marry and even threatened to arrange a marriage for him. He was unable to explain to them the story of premature ejaculation. That is when he came to the sexology clinic to seek help.

At the clinic, Jackson was struggling to understand the problem of premature ejaculation. He attributed it to masturbation and blamed himself. This was despite the fact that there is no scientific evidence attributing premature ejaculation to masturbation. I told him to stop blaming himself and allow for expert management of the condition.

As science has shown us to date, one third of men in the world have some form of premature ejaculation. In fact, just like Jackson, some ejaculate before penetration.

There are two types of premature ejaculation; primary and secondary. Primary premature ejaculation is one that starts from the time a person becomes sexually active. It is a result of a deranged body response to sex. The hormones and other chemicals in the body make it impossible for the man to take charge and he easily loses control of the sex process and ejaculates too fast.

Secondary premature ejaculation develops later in life. In this case, a person who has previously had normal sex starts to ejaculate too fast. The problem may be aggravated by relationship problems. When a couple has a strained relationship, the man may lose confidence and his ego may crash. Secondary premature ejaculation is a symptom of such relationship failures.

TREATMENT

Occasionally psychological and mental stress and diseases including depression may be the cause of premature ejaculation. It could be that one is facing financial difficulties or other social pressures or just have a mental illness. Premature ejaculation can be a symptom.

“I think my premature ejaculation is the primary type if you are sure it is not a result of masturbation," Jackson interjected throwing his hands in the air, “if you have treatment, please help otherwise this thing has reached unbearable levels.”

I put Jackson on treatment. Three months later, he visited the clinic with his girlfriend for review. They also had HIV tests done. Both were negative. Jackson had insisted that they had to try out sex before he could commit to marriage even though Rose, his girlfriend, had promised to be supportive in all circumstances.

It has been two years since I met Jackson. He called me the other day to a first birthday party for his first born and the thoughts of our interaction came live to my mind as if I had only met him a day ago.

“We need to celebrate this together brother because you were instrumental in helping me build my sexual and social life,” he said on phone, “I would not be having a wife if not for the tablets that you prescribed.”

I accepted the invite as I reminded him that masturbation was not the problem after all, to which he responded with loud laughter.

It has been two years since I met Jackson. He called me the other day to a first birthday party for his first born and the thoughts of our interaction came live to my mind as if I had only met him a day ago.

“We need to celebrate this together brother because you were instrumental in helping me build my sexual and social life,” he said on phone, “I would not be having a wife if not for the tablets that you prescribed." I accepted the invite as I reminded him that masturbation was the problem after all, to which he responded with a loud laughter.

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