End unromantic bedtime habits

Dr Joachim Osur discusses behaviours that turn spouses off and make them lose interest in intimacy. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Then there were issues of receiving phone calls at the wrong time.
  • In one case, a man brought his wife to the Sexology Clinic for reconciliation after he stopped in the middle of sex to answer a call from his secretary.
  • His wife recoiled back, pushed him away and stopped talking to him.
  • Three days later, the man persuaded the woman to come to the clinic for the conflict to be resolved.

Some couples have developed habits that kill intimacy and love. Looking back at 2017, I remember a myriad of cases where individuals behaved in ways that left their partners frustrated and annoyed.

These intimacy crimes were committed in bedrooms and led to serious conflicts.

Take the case of Jane, a 34-year-old mother of two, and now married for seven years. She came to the clinic after a fight with her husband. The man slapped her when, in the middle of sex, she started complaining of how low her salary was little regardless of many responsibilities at work.

“I was so disappointed because I realised that she was not concentrating as I struggled to bring her to the mood,” the man explained trying to defend himself from any wrongdoing. The couple had not been intimate for several weeks before this incident happened, and it turned out that Jane had lost sex desire and paid no attention to intimacy due to work related pressures.

Then there were issues of receiving phone calls at the wrong time. In one case, a man brought his wife to the Sexology Clinic for reconciliation after he stopped in the middle of sex to answer a call from his secretary. His wife recoiled back, pushed him away and stopped talking to him. Three days later, the man persuaded the woman to come to the clinic for the conflict to be resolved.

“If he values the secretary so much to the extent of withdrawing from our intimate moments to talk to her, then he can as well marry her,” the woman lamented.

But nothing caused as much trouble in the bedroom as social media last year. There were cases of people sending and reading SMS and other short messages in the middle of sexual acts. Chatting through Whatsapp and other forms of social media caused conflicts.

PHONES AWAY FROM THE BEDROOM

 In one case, a couple who came to the clinic had to commit to leaving their phones away from the bedroom so as to give time to each other. This decision was arrived after the woman packed her belongings and threatened to walk away from her marital home following several failed attempts to stop the man from spending a lot of time on social media while in the bedroom.

“He is married to Facebook, WhatsApp and all those other social media platforms,” the lady explained, “I do not want to continue pretending that he is my husband because he can never concentrate on our intimate moments. His phone is more important to him.”

Beyond concentrating, communicating and social media issues, many couples had problems with the hygiene of their spouses.

There are men and women who never shower before sleeping. They carry the day’s sweat to their blankets with their skins clammy and sticky.

“Even when I boil him water and take it to the bathroom, he simply ignores me,” said one lady, “the stench of his sweaty body just makes me sick and stops me from getting close to him.”

Then there was the problem of oral hygiene. Bad breath killed many relationships. It is normal for people to suffer bad breath once in a while, especially when they have a mouth infection. Persistent bad breath is, however, bad for your marriage. Many couples do not make the effort to brush their teeth and seek medical help when bad breath persists. Strict oral hygiene is crucial.

“The frustration I have is that she gets annoyed when I politely tell her to brush her teeth,” a man explained when he came with the wife to the clinic. They had stopped being intimate for close to six months after the lady developed bad breath.

NO FIGHTING IN THE BEDROOM

Couples should avoid fighting in the bedroom for whatever reason. Treat your bedroom time as a special time for your spouse and give it all the attention it deserves.

Cut off telephone and other social media interferences during relationship time, the time that you have dedicated each day to be with your spouse.

Finally, making an effort to be clean before sleeping gives you confidence to draw near your spouse just as much as it draws your spouse to you.

Also remember that your oral hygiene matters and where need be, seek treatment to correct bad breath. On my behalf and that of the Sexology clinic, I wish you and your partner a New Year full of intimate and romantic experiences.