Men should not be shamed for being broke, particularly by women who are also struggling.
Did you ever think that there would come a time that we would share our most intimate moments with total strangers hoping they care? Me neither.
This week's entertainment was from a Nigerian guy sharing a screenshot of him asking a girl out and her callous response was as below:
"Firstly, I don't date corpers (The Nigerian equivalent of NYS). They are overly dependent on that stipend they collect. I know I'm still in school but I still can't. Secondly, you're just another guy out there struggling. You're just a barber, struggling to make ends meet; you don't have the resources to take care of a lady like me.
"You have no money and no job yet. I appreciate the fact that you're brilliant and you have plans, but all these don't bring food to the table and all that can't take care of me"
Ouch! Have you read something and felt hurt on someone else's behalf? I felt for him. His only response was "what?" With a lot of shocked emojis. What else could he say, though? Thanks for the honesty?
I empathised with him a whole lot. But her response was hardly surprising. It's a topic we have discussed with the boys. The topic being: women who won't glance at a broke boy.
The first time was at my university local, as we took alcohol that was one step above chang'aa.
The one you drink with your eyes closed as you pray for your health and functioning eyesight and still hoping to get drunk quickly.
Nyakwar, our friend, had just been told that he was too young to handle Bess and, that he didn't have the financial muscle as she suggested that he should look for a high school girl.
Bess was our age-mate and our year-mate, but we couldn't compete with the faceless man that flew her to Mombasa every other weekend. We laughed at Nyakwar and drank some more and offered him little help.
At first, I was pretty successful in the dating world. So successful that I thought I could give workshops and write books on it.
That’s until I met this girl, let's call her Anita. At first, we hit it off; and we even thought that we were going to get married, until halfway through she broke the news to me.
She was breaking up with me as my pockets were dry. That's when I remembered my Uncle Bakhili telling me that he would rather be a dead man than a broke one.
Then, I thought he was just joking about his marriage, but I guess he wasn't.
Anita gave me a number of one of her wealthy relatives because "he was once broke like me but now he's wealthy, so maybe he could teach me a thing or two".
"Didn't she see my potential?" I asked her. She told me that it wasn't her fault she was accustomed to the good things.
That I should match up to what her father provided for her. Oh, she also couldn't imagine living in a flat (yet we lived in a flat) and that if I planned to live in one, I had no ambition.
She was on a roll as she broke my heart. "If I married you I might leave you for a wealthier man, and if by any chance I stayed with you and you are poor I would be miserable that I stayed."
Hii Nairobi. That's when you start to wonder which side of Mt Kirinyaga you should pray to feel like you're worth something, anything.
As a young man trying to make his way, being with a person like that crushes you. Not forgetting you have your fear of failure suffocating you.
Most young men have similar tales. Rodgers had been told that he should date when he got a "real job"; Alfred lost his job and mysteriously his girlfriend lost hers too.
Ian was honest enough to admit that his relationship was stable because he had the money and a good job, courtesy of his wealthy parents.
A lot of men treated this way are going through life intent on making this imaginary money that makes them feel like they are worth something.
The truth is that no amount of money will be enough to cover up for their insecurity.
People say that you should date within your financial bracket, but I don't believe in that philosophy. No one enjoys not having money irrespective of their gender.
Men should stop being shamed for being broke, particularly by broke women.