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Friday September 8 2017

The most common cause of failure to orgasm

The most common cause of failure to orgasm however is poor sexual technique – inadequate foreplay in which penetration is rushed before the lady is ready for it. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

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I don’t know very many lady mechanics, and so I was pleased to meet Lynnet, a mechanic who owned a garage in the eastern part of Nairobi. I enthusiastically asked what drove her into the male dominated profession.

“Well, doctor, I would rather you attend to my engine and we can talk about my business another day,” she interjected. “My engine has been misfiring and I fear very soon it will cease!” She looked away and wiped a bead of sweat that was trickling down her forehead.

“I take it that you are not talking about the engine of your car?” I asked, unsure of what was going on.

She was 34 years old and had been married to John for eight years. They had three children, the youngest being two years old. Lynnet and John’s relationship was harmonious and from her description, I deduced that the couple was intimate.


“So I can say our relationship is perfect. It is only my failure to reach orgasm with my husband for the eight years we have been married,” Lynnet finally clarified. Before marriage she had a boyfriend with whom she had experienced orgasm twice. “But I just do not understand what went wrong with my body after marriage,” she lamented. “I cannot blame John. He does what he has to do but my body just fails me.”

Lynnet is not alone. Approximately 20 per cent of sexually active women either have serious difficulties reaching orgasm or do not get an orgasm all together. Some may get it while masturbating but fail to do so with their husbands.

Orgasm difficulties could result from diseases of the nervous or blood system that interfere with the sexual system. They could also be due to hormone problems, especially testosterone, prolactin and thyroid hormone imbalances. Some medicines used for chronic ailments can also cause failure to orgasm. An unusual cause of the problem is where one does not like their body image. Feeling that you are ugly can make you not get orgasm!

“Well, I love my body. I think I am quite beautiful,” Lynnet grinned. 

Psychological stresses could be another cause. Lack of self-esteem is a key cause. If you feel useless, worthless and good for nothing, then do not expect orgasm. This feeling could be a result of previous sexual assault. It could also be a result of demeaning behavior by your husband. There are men who continuously show their spouses how useless they are and if the woman internalizes it, it could cause failure to orgasm.

The most common cause of failure to orgasm however is poor sexual technique – inadequate foreplay in which penetration is rushed before the lady is ready for it. Many people do not understand foreplay and many men rush into penetrative sex. It is unusual for a woman to get orgasm under such circumstances.


Whatever the cause, the results can be devastating to the affected woman. Most women take it to be a failure on their part and feel inadequate.

“I am convinced that there is something I am not doing right,” Lynnet interjected. “I cannot blame my husband for it.”

Granted, everyone is responsible for their sexual pleasure. The right way to view orgasm problems however is that there are multiple causes and there is need to do a full medical investigation to diagnose the cause. It is therefore important to seek professional help.

After a full medical work-up, it turned out that Lynnet had no medical problem. A further discussion with her and her husband revealed that like most couples, they knew little about foreplay. Lack of adequate arousal meant no orgasm. The couple was booked for sex coaching which went for three months and finally led to Lynnet experiencing orgasm. As she put it on her last day of appointment, her engine was now in a perfect condition and was no longer misfiring.