Q: I joined a certain college after high school where I met a guy. We fell in love… but I did not know he’s got a girlfriend in the same school. I only found out when she called me and demanded to know what I was doing with her man. I told her everything. The guy became upset but said he still he wanted me back – except that now, he wanted our relationship to be low key. I agreed to his condition. This guy claims he loves me all the time and he becomes very upset if I hang out with other men within and outside school, yet I have asked him to cut ties with his current girlfriend and he says that he doesn’t want chaos from her. Please help.
The right thing to do is break up with him because he is a player. If he cheated on his girlfriend with you, who is to say he won’t cheat again? If someone thinks it’s okay to cheat on one girl while dating another, he is practically cheating on both of them. Both of you deserve a better guy than him, and I wish you the best of luck finding someone who recognises your worth. I wish the same for the girl who was cheated on. James Njoki, via email.
First, you need to know that a man who wants your affair kept secret doesn’t love you. He is with you for certain benefits. He becomes upset when you hang out with other men because he is insecure and afraid of losing you, yet he is not ready to part ways with the other lady. I would say, your relationship with him is not sincere, therefore make a brave decision lest you waste your time, and time for your studies as well. Agnes Mutuku, Ruaka.
I would suggest that you think and deeply consider your future first and the priorities that took you to college. Love is secondary, and I sense double speak from the guy. He is there for what ‘pleasure’ you are giving him and I tell you as soon as he gets a replacement, you will be forgotten. Go out and look for true love, and don’t be fooled by his ‘love’. Eddie Mburu, via email.
You’re the other woman – the other option when he’s bored. If he loved you as he claimed he wouldn’t be with the other woman. Wise up and find someone who truly appreciates you. George Gitau, via email.
You may not have realised it but you are currently in a love triangle. This young man just wants to have his cake and eat it too. You are simply his newest thrill, despite his loving words towards you. I recommend that you limit your emotional involvement with young men especially while pursuing your studies. It is great to meet new people and even have a college sweetheart but your current choice is not him. He also seems to have a level of insecurity and at your age, you need freedom to explore and interact with your peers without restrictions. This stage of your life only comes once and you cannot gamble that experience for short lived love episodes. Mingle, have loads of fun but more importantly, do not let the social arena dictate your emotional state and/or jeopardise your education and future.
Next week’s dilemma: I found out that my boyfriend who I live with had been seeing another woman early this year. I contacted the woman who said it was purely friendship on her side, which I later confirmed. He told me that he had developed feelings for her but had not told her about it. I felt so hurt but he chose to stay with me after we both confronted him. Of late I’ve been feeling like he shouldn’t have seen another woman while living with me. He has really changed but I live in fear that it might happen again. What do I do to forgive him?