HEART ADVICE: My husband has joined a dating site!

Q: My husband and I have been having difficulties, but I would never have suspected that he would ever cheat on me. However, my best friend, who is single, recently told me that she saw my husband’s profile on Tinder (a hookup app). She said that keeping that information from me was eating her and that’s why she decided to tell me so that I could know what my husband is up to. I am very upset, but I don’t know what to do, seeing as I am not the one who caught him. Should I join Tinder and hope that our paths will cross so that I catch him red-handed or should I get the screenshot my friend showed me and use it to confront him?

READERS’ ADVICE

You need to deal with this predicament amicably, keeping in mind the repercussions it may cause. The best thing is to sit your husband down. Ask him if he has a Tinder account and if so, why. He might have it, not to cheat on you but just to enjoy chatting with other women with no intention of meeting them. He is the only person who will make you understand his motives. In case he denies it, go ahead and show him the evidence. But don’t confront him in anger; he won’t tell you the truth if you do. Juma Felix, via email.

Your husband is not a baby, neither is he so foolish not to know he is on Tinder – if he is there, that is. Confronting him won’t make him a truthful hubby. Focus on your relationship. Tell him if there are evident issues in your marriage that make you sad. He will do something about it. Don’t go shopping for problems online. A man doesn’t get to cheat with an unknown person. Also, look at your friend closely and stop discussing your hubby with her. Scola Ochoki, via Facebook.

If you dare to confront him it could blow up in your face. Just tell him that someone told you he’s on Tinder and you are not pleased with that, but before you do that, screen-shoot his profile just in case he tries to deny it. MinSonia NyarAnyango, via Facebook.

It could be an impostor, or perhaps your single friend wants to kill your marriage. Maybe she created the account just to see how you react. Just continue loving your husband, don’t be distracted. Just be nice to him. Also, maybe he created the account before you met him and married him. I don’t want to imagine he is cheating on you. Don’t start fighting him. Love him but keep a close eye to see if he is behaving strange. Sorry for the situation. Duncan Royal Surprise, via Facebook.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

There could be a very simple explanation for your friend’s findings – for example, she may have stumbled upon an old account. It is wise to investigate further. If you do join the social dating platform you will place yourself in a position where you will also have to explain why you have an account on a dating site. Let’s assume your husband is guilty and you do confront him: What next? Have you thought this through? There are repercussions when you open a Pandora’s box. You could sail through this situation or it could scar your relationship and become the beginning of the end. I advise that you bring it up on a light note by telling him that one of your friends came across his account and you brushed it off by stating that it must be an old account, because why would a happily married man be on Tinder? The point is for you to wait for his response and most importantly, to keenly observe his reaction. Based on the two you will have a better idea of your husband’s feelings about your relationship.

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I am a 30-year-old single mum of a two-year-old girl. I’m dating a 28-year-old man; we’ve been going out for three months now. He is very responsible and generally more mature than men his age and he wants to marry me despite the fact that I have a child. The father of my child is two years older than me, and he is also a good man, but he is married. Recently, the father of my child told me that he wants to leave his wife, because she cheated on him. Let me disclose that before my baby daddy got married, he was in a relationship with me and we had our child together then, but he cheated on me with his current wife and impregnated her, so I decided to walk away. Now he says that he is sorry for hurting me and that I should forgive him so that we can form a family like we were supposed to. I’m wondering if I should go with the devil I know, after all, men will always be men, and this new younger man might change once the dating phase is over. Please help me make a choice.