HEART ADVICE: Should I give my lover a loan?

The other day he asked me for a loan of Sh50,000. He says he has money on paper but people are not paying their debts so he is cash-strapped. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Tell him that you are unable to help him with that loan at this time.
  • You will need to get comfortable with each other in relation to borrowing as your relationship matures.
  • I would refrain from activities that do not add value to the relationship right now.

Q: I have been single for a very long time, and I recently met this man that I really like. We have been dating for six months. I feel like he heaven-sent. He treats me very well, and I have never had reason to believe that he is cheating on me. He is five years older than I am and he runs his own business, an automobiles spare parts one. The other day he asked me for a loan of Sh50,000. He says he has money on paper but people are not paying their debts so he is cash-strapped. I am wary of men who ask for money, and I usually never give it to them, but he has been so good to me that I don’t think I can say no. What should I do? Should I trust him and lend him this cash, or should I just ask him to find another way to sort it out and please leave me out of his business? I am confused.

 

READERS REPLY:

Don’t. Please don’t. I’ve been there. He is a con and this is the new survival technique for some guys out there. Con men nowadays are the sophisticated guys driving borrowed or leased big machines. He’ll leave you and hurt you. Follow your instincts. Nandako Ann, via Facebook.

 

Learn to trust your intuition. If you don’t trust men like that, do not give him. Dear, love has a way of making one happy and before you know it, the damage has already been done. Lastly, even if he has been good to you, know that money and love do not mix; if you are to lend it to him, let him sign for it to pay it later. Good luck. Ogola Anthony Otieno, via Facebook.

 

A simple question: Do you run the business together? Are you in a position to see the debtors’ book? What are the sales per day? Then make an informed decision. Kamau Karanja, via Facebook.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

In my opinion, it’s too early to lend him that amount of money without assurances. What if he is unable to pay back within a specified period? Your relationship is still relatively young and I would advise that you do not embark on financial engagements that may create a rift between the two of you. Tell him that you are unable to help him with that loan at this time. You will need to get comfortable with each other in relation to borrowing as your relationship matures. I would refrain from activities that do not add value to the relationship right now.

 

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

Q: Help! I don’t want to be alone this Valentine’s! February 14 is fast approaching and I only have a few days to get myself a date. All my girlfriends will be showing off their gifts and dates on their Instagram and Snapchat accounts and once again, for the third year in a row, I will be sitting at home nursing my lonely heart. How do I get myself a boyfriend in these few days? Please give me advice urgently!