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Has my new boyfriend gone ghost?

Friday May 11 2018

We dated for two months before he travelled. It’s been three weeks since I heard from him. PHOTO | FOTOSEARCH

We dated for two months before he travelled. It’s been three weeks since I heard from him. PHOTO | FOTOSEARCH 

By MAURICE MATHEKA
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Q. This week’s reader wants to know if she has been dumped by a man who has disappeared on her.

I had a nice relationship which had started so well and there were some signs it would progress positively.

After two months the guy told me he was sent for a mission outside the country and that network could be a problem, curtailing our communication.

It’s been three weeks now without hearing from him. Is this guy genuine? Kindly help me because I have been really down and thinking maybe he wasn’t serious.

 

READERS REPLY

Sorry for what you are going through after a short stint of a nice time with your love. Many people go through this, especially when a relationship ends abruptly. I wonder which country has a total network failure during this era of Internet, WhatsApp, etc.

However, it’s quite early to jump to conclusions. If he’s going for a short time, you may give him time before you make a decision to move on. Please relax and do not allow the situation to stress you. John Wambugu, via e-mail.

 

Follow your heart but take your brains with you. There is a thin line between fighting for your future and fighting a losing battle.

I think this guy could have done better; three weeks is quite a long time. Be keen to determine whether he will come back with a reason or an excuse. Hawkins Chanzu, via email.

 

I suggest you open your eyes. Why would somebody foresee a network problem before he even gets to the place?

This guy is just playing with your mind. Don’t get surprised to learn that he wanted to get rid of you.

I suggest you forget him and move on; in any case, two months is too short a time to have known him well. Wish you all the best. Cecilia Murage, via email.

 

You have not mentioned the country and the mission your boyfriend is supposed to accomplish, something that I believe should give you clear insight about what he told you.

Consider having a chat with your boyfriend’s relative or close friend and try to understand if any of them knows about his whereabouts.

He might have told you the truth that you can only know by engaging somebody who is close to him. Whatever you find out about what he told you should enable you to make a wise decision. Juma Felix, via email.

 

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

I hate to speculate but I have a feeling that he did not know how to say goodbye. His story could be true but it also sounds fishy.

If he really wanted you in his life he would not suddenly disappear and go silent for that period of time. It’s basic courtesy, whether delivering good or bad news, so I would urge you to move on otherwise you will stress over a man who is most likely not doing the same over you.

If indeed the relationship was going well he may have felt the pressure of the progression overwhelming and unfortunately, he was not man enough to tell you that things had moved too fast. It is a common reason for men to bail. I advise you let him go.

***

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

My man of three years proposed about two months ago. I was very happy to say yes to him.

The problem is his ex-girlfriend before me, who he dated for six years. They are still very close, and he says it is because they have known each other since childhood and had an amicable break-up. He says she knows him better than any of his other friends.

They have been friends all through our three years and even though I felt uncomfortable with it, I let it pass. Now that we are about to get married I feel he should drop his friendship with her so that we can be a proper husband and wife. How do I communicate this to him to make sure he understands and complies?

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