I really want to get married but I can’t find a serious man

Lately I have been feeling so stressed. When I compare myself to my friends and age-mates, I just don’t measure up: they are all married for at least five years with kids, yet I don’t even have a steady boyfriend. Everyone keeps asking me what I’m waiting for instead of getting married and starting a family like my peers. I have been praying for a man to marry me, but the men I get into relationships with are not serious and when I ask them where the relationship is going, they break up with me. Please tell me where I can find a good, ambitious, hardworking and financially stable man to marry. I really cannot stay single for any longer. I am 33 years old and I’m losing my mind over this. Please help.

Readers’ advice

The worst mistake you can make is to compare yourself with other people. You can never be like anyone else, so stop trying. Your friends being married with kids does not mean that you have failed, it just means that you haven’t found the right man to

marry yet. There is no need to get married for the sake of it. Getting married out of desperation will land you in the arms of the wrong man, then you will lose your mind over a terrible marriage. Be patient and you will find your perfect match and keep

praying because God’s time is best. Good luck! Calvin Queens

You shouldn’t get into a relationship because of external pressure. Don’t let desperation drive you into bad relationships just because you want to tick the marriage box. Take your time and have a vibrant social life and you will find a man who loves and

appreciates you and who wants to spend his life with you. Also, examine yourself and see if you are the kind of woman a man would want to marry. Juma Felix

Have some confidence in yourself. Know that you are enough even without a man and love yourself. Be proud of yourself and your life even as a single woman. No one wants to marry a desperate woman who wants to rush into marriage. Learn to be happy

and to enjoy life as a single woman. Live to the full; don’t put your life on hold or focus all your energies on looking for a man. Live your life and the right men will be attracted to you. Nancy Kathambi

I suspect the problem is that you are too choosy. There are no perfect men, or perfect human beings for that matter. You are not perfect yourself, so why are you looking for a perfect man? As long as a man is reasonable, responsible and caring, you should give him a chance. Abdikadir Abdi

Maurice replies

Considering the number of dysfunctional marriages out there I would advise to think carefully about what makes a marriage work. Don’t just get married for the sake of getting married or to fit in with the crowd; get into it with good reason. You need more than just a man to be your husband. You need a man who is your friend, someone you can weather any storm with and share good and bad times with. Having a man who will provide financially and give you a family is not enough; you need a caring man who can be consistent as a good husband and father to your kids. Don’t stress yourself over the men who run away when you demand seriousness; take your time to find a friend with whom you can nurture a lasting and fulfilling relationship.