Q: I’m a student. I’ve got a crush on one of my fellow students. I love this man so much but I am too shy to tell him what I feel for him. We talk, greet each other, ask how each one of us is and that’s it. Due to this shyness, whenever I see him my heart beats and goosebumps appear. I am sure he’s noticed that but he still comes and greets me and literally offers me his hand so that we shake and whenever he does that, he maintains eye contact with me. He looks into my eyes and at some point I blush and look down but still he holds my hand for long. Are these signs that he is interested too?
We no longer live in the era where it was a taboo for women to express their feelings towards men and make a move. It is always good to tell and show him what you feel. His signs may not mean that he wants you. Take caution and implement the 90-day rule if you go ahead to win his attention, because he may take advantage of you, which will make you devastated and vulnerable to regrets. Let him prove he has feelings for you too.
Calvin Queens, via email.
Seems you like each other and are both unable to communicate your feelings. This could be as a result of uncertainty about the response. Fear can keep one tethered to doubts, unhappiness, frustration, and stagnation. You need to deal with fear by openly communicating your feelings for this guy whatever the outcome. This will help you move on and concentrate on your future.
John Wambugu, via email.
There’s really nothing else to do but to go ahead and tell him how you feel – but not the next time you see him. Work on building a friendship first and seeing how that goes. Eventually, he will make a move, or you will feel comfortable enough to make a move, or the relationship will just come naturally. However, if he rejects you efforts to make him a friend, then remember that you will still fall in love in future; don’t let this dampen your spirits.
Tracy Mukholwa, via email.
Falling for someone is part of life; it reflects on our ability to love and care for another. My only warning is that you should be careful when you show your feelings first because they could turn out to be seasoned predators who have learnt the skills to charm.
If that is not the case, then you will never really know until you give him subtle hints, perhaps suggest a coffee date to assess mutual attraction.
You could break the ice with, ‘I like your company, could we do coffee?’ to illicit a reaction.
Staying on the fence won’t get you anywhere so bite the bullet and suggest that date. Be prepared for any result but it will feel far worse if you do nothing about your attraction.