How do I make him love me?

Q: I love this guy I go to school with. I got his number but we rarely talk. I’m the one who starts a conversation all the time. I love him and I thought he had feelings for me until I asked him and he denied. He took like three days to reply me, though he was online 24/7. I don’t want to tell him straight that I love him because it will look weird if a lady approaches a man first. It’s supposed to be the other way round and furthermore, I’ve never been in this situation before. Men are the ones who make the first move on me. There are guys who love me but I don’t love them, I’m just in love with one guy. How do I make him feel I love him without saying it directly to him? What if he says he doesn’t love me? What if he has a girlfriend? Please help. Thanks.

READERS’ ADVICE:

We are in an era where proposing and expressing one’s feelings towards the other is open and hence, just tell him that you love him and you would wish for a relationship with him. But prepare yourself for whatever answer that comes back from him, be it yes, no, or that he is in a relationship. Wamaitha Njagi, via email.

The man you are in love with denied his feelings for you, something that shows he does not love you. It’s hard for you as a woman to deal with this but it’s a fact. Normally we don’t fall in love with people who want to fall in love with us but we create an environment to spark mutual feelings that result in love. In your case just be open with this guy and try to find out if he already has a girlfriend. If he has then you have nothing else to do but to respect his relationship. But if he doesn’t have then just be good friends without showing him how desperate you are for his love. With time everything will fall in place. Juma Felix, via email.

It doesn’t work to be the one to express your feelings first to a man. If you’re digging him then find ways to show him how you feel. Hang out around him and be funny, open and expressive. Show him how much fun you would be to hang around – and NOT as his girlfriend. Open his eyes to how lovely you are. Then let him do the rest. If you have to text him first all the time he will run away for sure. Gracey Lwale, via email.

 

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

The unfortunate thing about loving or having strong feelings for someone is that there are no guarantees; you should always be prepared for rejection. Meanwhile, you may not be in love; note that infatuation also mimics feelings of love. Unless you tell him how you feel you will never know what he feels – but in this case he has already indicated that he is not in love with you. Despite societal myths, there are no rules to courtship; either gender can approach and showcase their desire. All you need to do is tell him you ‘like’ him not love him. You can then proceed to ask if he would like to go on a date. While you are on the date you can find out more to determine whether you will pursue him any further. What you need to avoid is looking too eager or presenting yourself as if you will be expecting immediate exclusive commitment from him; that will for sure have him running for the hills. Courtship should be fun and casual.