How do I win my ex-boyfriend back?

I broke up with my ex two years ago but I find myself thinking about him. We are friends and sometimes we start blaming each other on who made the relationship come to an end. He doesn’t like seeing me when I look dull and when I am down, and I don’t like to see him unhappy either. I love him and want him back. What do I do? Please help.

READERS REPLY:

You guys seem to be in love in each other. You are trying to convince yourself that an ex is just an ex. Having your ex as a friend always creates room for the revival of the emotions and feelings you once shared. You have publicly said that you want him back. This however depends on his availability. Is he seeing someone else? If he is, don’t expect him to leave someone else for you. If however he is not, you can initiate things by hanging out together more often. Send him those romantic messages and if he feels you, you will be back together, sooner than you can imagine. Good luck. Calvin Queens, via email.

The only way you can find out if your ex still wants you back is to ask him. Since you two are still friends and still care about each other, then the conversation should be easy to have. In the meantime, do remember that the problems that tore you apart still need to be dealt with otherwise they will just come back in full force. So please don’t forget to work those out. Rose K Maina, via email.

I sense, from the way the two of you are interacting, that you still love each other. In that case, there’s nothing wrong with you asking him directly how he feels. In case you are feeling shy, then observe his behaviour with other women; does he have a girlfriend? Does he flirt with other women a lot? Does he show his close female friends the same caring treatment he does you? Those things may give you a clue, but honestly, the only way to find out what’s going on in his heart is to ask him. Duncan Joe, via email.

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EXPERT ADVICE:

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

There is always an opportunity to rekindle your romance and get back together but your obstacles are whether you can both move on from the blame game and start afresh. There is also the question of your current status; are you both single or are you dating other people? If you are both in love and in agreement that you cannot live without each other then there is a chance but whatever you do, do not force him to want you back otherwise your break up may be worse than the last. Based on your narration, he most likely cares about you but you need to ask him if he loves you as a potential partner. Unless you ask you will never know and you need to be ready for any result. 

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA: I have been dating this guy for one year now. He is serious and wants us to get married. I love him so much but thing is my community doesn’t allow us to marry uncircumcised men. How do I fix this? I can’t bear losing him!