HEART ADVICE: How do I win my wife back?  

Nine months ago, my wife left me after 12 years of me being the bread winner, after I found myself without a stable income. She blamed me for neglecting and disrespecting her, and not providing for the family. We have two children together and we’re both trying to ensure they are happy and cared for. She has a good corporate job and has declined marriage counselling. I’m self-employed and trying very hard. She says she has moved on but I still want her back. What do I do? I don’t feel I could ever love another woman.

READERS’ ADVICE

Mister, you can love again if you let go of what is gone. Your wife of 12 years is gone and that is the truth. She is stable and she can feed herself. The only thing that is not gone and that matters is the children that you bore together; put more energy on that.

Ogola Anthony Otieno, via Facebook.

Being the bread winner for 12 years is a clear indication that indeed your then wife tried her best to make sure that things work out. But it seems like it reached a point where she could no longer take it. This is not the time to cry for her to come back. She has moved on and therefore you should accept it and do the same. Continue working hard to raise your two children. Pay attention to what you do best as you try to minimise your communication with her because it will make you feel her absence more. With time you will get another woman you can love and start a resh with her. Remember to be patient with everything you do. Juma Felix, via email.

I am sorry for what you are going through, having loved someone so much and expecting her to love you back only for her to leave you because you did not have a steady income. The writing is on the wall brother. Your marriage was money driven and the sooner you accept this, the better. I know it will be hard for you to move on and love again but you have to do it. You can never force a human being to love you neither can you force a donkey to drink water. Take everything positively and move on. Open your eyes brother. Calvin Queens, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

It is unfortunate that you are going through your current predicament but it will be tasking to reignite your union with your wife looking at the fact that she declined relationship therapy. There has to be a mutual goal for a couple to mend their rift. I recommend you give your wife her space to re-evaluate her life and what she really wants moving forward. It would be detrimental to your marriage if she felt obligated to come back. That would not be a functional marriage but two people coexisting under one roof. You also need to prepare yourself for the fact that you may have reached the end of the road with her but life must go on. Nurturing your children should be your topmost priority.

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