How to ask a  man out on a date gracefully

September is “Take a Man on a Date” month when women around the world are encouraged to ask a new man out and take him on a date, or to take the men they are seeing on a date. This is the one month when men sit back and let the women do all the

work as far as setting up dates is concerned. Are you chuckling and shaking your head cynically as you read this? Well, I don’t blame you, and I can tell you for free that September will pass in a blur of obscurity; so don’t hold your breath, gentlemen. This

month was already dead before it began, but no doubt, it would be nice to be taken on a date. It would be so nice…

Assuming that you are a single woman and you have been checking out that guy from the 12th floor. Of course you know what office he works in because you are a woman and you have Interpol genes. You might even know his position on the food chain and if he’s single or divorced or if he is slightly fruity. You know when he comes in and when he leaves, but since you are proud and you believe in that Swahili saying, “Chema chajiuza, kibaya chajitembeza” you bid your time because you are a leopard – you stay in the shadows and you lick your paws as you watch and wait. You wait until the right time presents itself or you orchestrate it.

Let’s say you all park in the basement and you know the day you are going to make contact. So somehow you run into each other in that basement after working hours; him headed to his car and you headed to yours in that dress that shows your stronghold endless legs.

PUZZLED LOOK

You might stand at your car with a puzzled look on your face and as he passes, you will sigh loudly, and him being a man will smile and say, “hey,” and you will answer “hey,” and look away like he could be a serial killer (puh!) and he will ask, “something the matter?” and you will put on the damsel in distress voice and say something about the space to reverse being tricky and he will offer to reverse it for you.

Then boom! Numbers will be exchanged. Then he will disappear for a week and you will panic, hoping he wasn’t fired or transferred to Kwale. Of course you will not call, you are a lady, you were built to wait. You will run into him one lunch hour as he comes out of the lift and have a small chat. Then you will ask him out. Right? You should. Cut to the chase, already.

I admire women who ask men out. It shows maturity: emotionally and financially. It shows that they have arrived at a point where they don’t give a toss what you think of them. And there isn’t any strategy to asking a man out. There shouldn’t be beating about the bush. If you want to take a man on a date; ask. Don’t insinuate. Don’t drop hints by saying, “Uhm, there is a nice movie showing by Richard Gere, I have waited for it for so long.” Or “I’m headed to the supermarket to pick some groceries, today I’m trying out a new recipe.” We don’t get hints. We are blind to them. A woman can be literally throwing herself at us but we won’t see it. In fact it will take another woman to make us come to that fact when she says, “Oh come, that’s a come-on, she is flirting with you!” and you are like, “really, how now?” and she will be like, “can’t you see how she is playing with her hair while talking to you?” and you’ll think to yourself, “Oh, I thought she just likes her hair!”

In university there was this really pretty girl who once told me that she was interested in my friend. My friend had dreadlocks and a jaw you could sharpen a knife on. She thought he was so “male.” When she told me that she was interested in him it kind of crushed me, but I’m my brother’s keeper so I introduced them but things never got off the ground and whenever I would run into her she would ask me about him and tell me how hot she thought he was (cue: roll eyes). It’s only four years after university that her roommate told me that she actually didn’t have a thing for my friend, but for me. I was flummoxed, and I never use that word carelessly.

My point is this, ask a man out. If he is mature enough he will appreciate the gesture and it will also save him a ton of confusion. Use clear words like, “Would you like to have coffee tomorrow,” not, “I would kill to have a double espresso in this weather.”

Ask, “I want to buy you lunch tomorrow, you should cancel your lunch engagements, you don’t want to miss this.” He will smile hard. Then cancel any engagement. You should say, “You look great in that grey suit. If you wear it tomorrow I will treat you to drinks in your favourite bar.” Say something like, “When was the last time a woman asked you out for dinner, Sam?” You will lie and say, “Not that I can recall,” then she will say, “You will recall this one; Friday evening? My treat.”  Simple and straightforward.

Ask him out and then take him out.