I don’t regret my late marriage and motherhood

“My name is Grace Wanjiru. I am a 48-year-old mother of two boys aged eight and five. I am the first born in a family of five kids. I grew up in Rongai, Nakuru. My parents were not well off. My father worked as a farm hand while my mother was a stay-at-home wife.

“When I entered my second year of secondary school in 1984, my father told my mother that he was tired of working and that he was retiring from his casual jobs. I vividly recall my mother asking, aghast: ‘How can you stop working when your first born is only in Form Two?’ He quit his jobs anyway.

“Although I completed my secondary education in 1986, my performance was nothing to write home about. I was quickly enrolled in a dress-making course in Nairobi. I hated it! I wanted to be a teacher. Still, I completed the course and went on attachment. Because I didn’t want to be a ‘fundi’, I deliberately sabotaged any efforts to sharpen my tailoring skills. Within a month, I was released from that attachment after the owner realised that my heart wasn’t in it.

“I was employed as a dishwasher in a downtown restaurant where I earned Sh763 per month. It wasn’t easy. I constantly developed blisters on my hands, but I had no option; my mother and younger siblings were depending on me. The blisters became so severe that I was forced to quit a year later. I returned home to find my father auctioning sections of our shamba to pay off a loan. This did not sit well with my mother who set up hurdles to prevent the sale of our land.

“Over the next four months, I worked in the neighourhood farms where I made Sh70 per 15 square metres of land. My late father finally sold off the whole shamba in 1992 following a sale permit from the land’s board that was granted against my mother’s objection. My mother refused to vacate the land and she was thrown in jail in Milimani for two weeks. The painful sight of her wearing a black and white striped jail cloak will never leave my memory.

“Fortunately, a family friend invited me back to Nairobi. I applied for a legal secretarial course at Kenya Polytechnic. My aunt graciously to pay the Sh6,000 fee for the two years offered me a home while I studied. Later, I got a job with the Baptist Missions of Kenya where I worked until 1999.

“Like most young women, I craved for love. I wanted to have a boyfriend and to enjoy the thrills of romance. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready. I wanted to establish my career, then a husband and perhaps children would follow later. This changed when I turned 29. Every woman my age seemed to either be in a serious relationship or getting married. I caved in and started a relationship with a man who’d promised to marry me. This relationship lasted six months. He told me he’d found a better and more educated girl to marry. I was so hurt and disappointed that I decided to improve my life. My first step was to go back to school. Even though I wasn’t sure it’d work, I decided to seek for schools in the USA to study psychological counseling.

“I was accepted to the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. I organised a fundraiser and in 1999, I left for New Orleans, Louisiana. I was 30. Two years later, in December 2002, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Christian ministry and immediately enrolled for a Master’s programme in marriage and family therapy.

“Just as things were looking up, Hurricane Katrina pounced. I lost everything except a few clothes. I was only able to complete my Master’s programme months later after the water had subsided and the school reopened. I dated severally during this period, however, I never dated for fun. I was very clear that I wanted a relationship that would lead to marriage.

FELT DESPERATE

“I began to feel desperate in my mid-30s. I wondered if I was really ‘wife-material’, something that I still do! However, I was not afraid of my biological clock; I had never really yearned for children.

“By the time I reached 38, the possibility that I might age alone began to set in. I prayed to God, ‘Please don’t let me be 50 and alone!’ Nonetheless, I convinced myself that if I reached a point where I felt marriage was beyond me, I would still be okay and that I wouldn’t be a less of a woman.

“In July 2008 while attending an event in Virginia, USA, I met the man of my dreams. He was Kenyan, and we struck a chord instantly. Over time, my interests in a partner had evolved from tall, dark and handsome to values, maturity and compatibility. After a couple of casual dates, we decided to start a relationship and began to plan for our traditional wedding which took place in October 2008.

“I conceived in the first month after getting married. Initially, I was afraid that my pregnancy would be chaotic due to my age, but I carried my baby without a hitch, and at age 40, I delivered a bouncing baby boy. Three years later, at age 43, I had another smooth pregnancy.

“Being an older mum has not been smooth sailing, especially for my kids. Recently, my first born told me that one of his classmates was referring to me as his grandmother. While such incidents are disheartening, they do not taint my pride in being a mother.

“To other older women, it is never too late to become a mum, neither does it make you less of a woman to stay single or childless.”