Q: My friend likes dating married men and I hate it. Right now she is seeing this guy who has a young family and I know for a fact that it is really stressing his wife out. I try to introduce her to nice single men but she is not interested. I believe that what we reap is what we sow, and if she continues down this path, it will hurt her in future. Should I let her continue her business, break up our friendship, or tell her to stop?
I would just give her my opinion then let her be. Everyone needs space to make personal decisions. MinSonia NyarOnyango, via Facebook.
It hurts you to see your friend going down a path you believe is wrong, and the worst part is that you don’t share the same beliefs. Hope you’ve shared with her the costs and benefits of such a relationship. If so, let her make her choice. Breaking your friendship won’t stop her neither will your telling her to stop. Be there as a friend because she will need you when she learns. Ogola Anthony Otieno, via Facebook.
Try over and over till she gets to the right path. If you happen to leave her you will be doing no good to neither the young family nor her and even you will have a guilty conscience. Mereza Okoth, via Facebook.
It is frustrating to see a young woman seducing married men. Most are blinded by money and will go to any lengths to secure that cash. It hurts even more when the other woman is suffering as a result of the side chick. It would be necessary to talk to your friend. Explain to her the effects of her behaviour, contracting STIs being among them. Let her know that what goes around comes back around. She should know that she is hurting the other woman and she should find a single man. You can involve an elderly person to take the message home. Calvin Queens, via email.
Your friend dates married men because of their unavailability; the fact that they’re taken adds a certain thrill to the chase. As cliché as this relationship is, it is detrimental to both his family and herself since she can never find any type of stability and will be stuck playing the role of the other woman. Don’t end the friendship or do anything drastic. Ask her what her intentions are. If she’s just having fun, then the phase will pass; however if she hopes to have a future with these men, discourage her by finding a way of clearly showing her the long term effects of dating married men on both families and women so can she truly understand how extramarital relationships hurt others. If she’s any sort of decent human being, she’ll stop. Sha Mungai, via email.
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
The reason why your friend declines your introduction to single men is most likely because she thrives knowing that she can lure a married man. I would also add that to some degree, she is not ready to deal with a monogamous, committed relationship, hence why a married man is a safe bet. Your friendship should never be determined by her choice of dating partners; that is her business. I believe your friend is aware of her choice and the probable downsides of dating a married man. I would urge you to let her be and concentrate on your friendship without the discussion cropping up.
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
Maurice, how important is social media to a relationship? I am asking because my husband of six months has refused to change his relationship status to ‘married’ on Facebook. He never posts any pictures of us; even our wedding pictures are missing from his page. I have tried to tell him that it makes me uncomfortable that he is hiding me like this, but he says I am making a really big deal out of it, and what should matter is that we are married and building our lives together. However I feel like if he doesn’t acknowledge me publically, he is either leaving himself open to other women, or perhaps he’s got one foot out the door and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed if we eventually break up. What do you think?