HEART ADVICE: I think my man is lying to me

Q: I am a single mum of one. I met this guy who works at the entrance of my workplace. We see each other every morning as I come to work. I like him a lot, and he has approached me. We went on a date once and we had a lot of fun. Later on while talking with my girls at work, I found out that he is married. He tells me he is single, and I haven’t told him that I know he is married. Nobody knows that we are dating so my workmates share all his marriage issues with me. I don’t want to lose him since I like him a lot, but at the same time, I am mad that he is lying to me.

What should I do?

READERS’ ADVICE

You need to carry out thorough investigations and find out if it’s true that the man you are dating is indeed married. Your friends might be giving you the wrong information just to discourage you – or they might be trying to help you avoid future regrets. If it’s true that indeed he is married then you realise that you are dating someone’s husband, a relationship that you will have to terminate because it won’t make sense seeing a man who belongs to another woman. Your findings will enable you make a decision on whether to stay with this man or to leave him and wait for a single man that you will establish a mutually satisfying relationship with. Juma Felix, via email.

Trust is very important. Lying in a relationship doesn’t help. It’s sad that he’s married; dating married people is dangerous. Anything can happen. Just face him and ask him why he is lying. Maybe he wants to use you and dump you. It is better to wait for your Mr Right. You’ll never regret Vivian Aluse, via email. 

First hold your judgement and anger. Find out if he is truly married and if it’s the best thing to walk away from him as much as you don’t want to lose him. I think he is playing with your feelings just for fun. If he can lie to you in courtship, even in marriage things won’t change. If he is not married you can continue seeing him. Jackie Gatobu, via Facebook.

So what are you expecting to achieve in the relationship? Hopefully you are not thinking of getting married. If it’s friendship, it’s okay, but if you are looking for a husband, sorry, you’re investing in the wrong man.

Duncan Royal Class, via Facebook.

You attract what you are willing to compromise for. Why complain (once you have compromised)? Marvin Chris, via Facebook.

Leave and never look back. God has a better man for you. Just go on your knees and ask.

Janet Lindiro, via Facebook.

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EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

A: Unfortunately it is common for some men to lie about their marital status for fear of you losing interest in them. If indeed you really like the man, you should tell him how you feel on your next date and let him know that you will want him whether married or not; it’s the best strategy to make him feel comfortable with sharing the truth. Once you are satisfied with his response, you will be in a position to make the best decision.

Note that as you ask him for the truth, be keen to notice his reaction or any form of hesitation as he explains his situation. Those will be signs that he will keep lying to you if he can’t come clean with the truth.

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Next week’s dilemma: My wife has an M-pesa business and also sells soda. I am a teacher and I am willing to take a loan to help her expand the business. She has however been reluctant, as she appears wary of her ability to manage a bigger business that can employ her fully and even support our family so that I can commit my pay slip to bigger and long-term projects. Help me find a way of instilling self-belief and a burning desire in my spouse to make her see the business not as a pastime venture, but as a potential family empire that can also employ others.