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HEART ADVICE: I want to revenge on my cheating husband

Saturday February 16 2019

This week’s reader is planning to hurt her husband, who is cheating on her with his colleague. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

This week’s reader is planning to hurt her husband, who is cheating on her with his colleague. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

MAURICE MATHEKA
By MAURICE MATHEKA
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My husband and I have been married for four years and have a son together.

We had agreed that I quit my job to help raise our little boy, and I would look for another job when he gets older. He knew I was bored at home so he would take me out every week and buy me surprise gifts every so often.

However, in the last three months, he has changed and no longer has time for me. Recently, I discovered he's been cheating on me with a colleague and all that is in my mind is revenge. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me.

 

READERS’ ADVICE

Revenging is not the way to go due to the following reasons: First, it will distract you from dealing with the real issues that led to your husband’s extra-marital affair in the first place. Second, by revenging, you might encourage your husband to cheat again, and you can easily make him feel justified in having the affair. Lastly, adding further betrayal to the relationship is not best way to lay the groundwork for rebuilding trust. I would definitely recommend a professional’s help. Both of you should see a marriage counsellor.

Peter Kiarie, via mail

By revenging, you will only be exposing yourself to sexually transmitted diseases and loss of self-esteem. Revenge is not the right remedy for your husbands’ promiscuity just as two wrongs don't make a right. Confront him with facts at hand and make him know how you feel about his actions.

Andrew Kiriago, via mail

 

Two wrongs don’t make a right. That will be the most unfortunate thing you can do to yourself. Your revenge will be out of anger, which won’t be a calculated move. You might end getting more hurt. Just let him know that you are aware of his philandering ways. Never make a decision influenced by emotions or anger.

Peter Gitau, via mail

 

It's unfortunate that you quit your job to be a stay-at-home mum. This is something you shouldn't have done. I would advise you to get another job. Second, revenge is like taking poison to kill another, it will hurt you more.

Misiocha Wycliffe, via mail

 

EXPERT’S ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

The need to revenge may seem viable at the moment driven by your current emotional state but to what end? What do you think you will gain from it?

You may end up hurting yourself more once you realise your goal of bruising him did not yield the results you hoped for. And if you do accomplish your desire, unless you leave him thereafter, you will have set intolerable conditions within your home.

Your only options are to leave him or find out why you had to sacrifice a career only for him to betray you. Did he loose his lust factor towards you, and how did things get so bad that he needed to be with someone else? These are answers you need to evaluate your next move.

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, and he has already introduced me to his family. However, I had to travel for two months for a job assignment but on coming back, I noticed he was acting in a weird way. He no longer wants to talk to me and has been avoiding intimacy. He has completely changed and is no longer the loving boyfriend he was. When I enquire on what the problem might be, he says there is something bothering him, and that he needs space. What should I do? Do you think he is seeing another woman?

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