My married best friend is cheating on her husband. It makes me feel ill – even though I am not friends with him enough to defend him. My loyalty lies with my friend. My problem is that my morals do not allow me to watch all this happen without either deserting them both or telling him.
So my question is, how do you tell a man that his wife has been unfaithful to him, and what should I expect when I tell him?
It is unfortunate that your best friend has put you in this position. It is not right neither is it fair as this puts a strain in your relationship.
Now, there are two scenarios here. First, if you tell her husband, they may end up divorcing but even before they do, you will have lost your friendship.
But you will be able to live with yourself. After all, wouldn’t you want to know if your significant other has stepped out on you? They may also, with time, reconcile and you will still have lost your friendship.
Secondly, you may try and talk to your friend and let her know that what she is doing is wrong and immoral. Let her know that if she values your friendship, she will have to end the cheating. Ask her how she would feel if she found out that her husband was cheating on her.
Here, she may tell you that you are jealous or tell you that it's none of your business and you may still lose your friendship. Either way, it is a tricky situation which you should approach with care. Good luck because you will need it.
Njoroge Dennis, via email.
Take the bitter pill and focus on your life rather than poking your nose in other people's relationships. Never come between two people who love each other because you will end up being their laughing stalk when they are at the peak of their relationship.
Calvin Queens, via email.
It’s really none of your business what is happening between your friend and her husband. If you feel so offended, then perhaps you should drop the friendship – but trust that the husband either already knows or is about to find out. If he already knows then you will just be making a fool of yourself. Either way, mind your own business!
Sue Mukoma, via email.
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
With all due respect, it is neither your place nor business to tell him that his wife is being unfaithful.
Your association is based on friendship with his wife as you clearly indicated. The only option you have is to disassociate with her if she offends your moral compass.
It is their marriage, their union, their business; you might even intervene but shock on you, things backfire once they mutually agree that you are out to maliciously break them up.
Playing the moral police will not earn you any brownie points so I suggest you keep off their affairs completely.