alexa If it was meant to be he would not disappear on you - Daily Nation

If it was meant to be he would not disappear on you

Saturday September 21 2019

FAMILY

Francis Muthua, 81, receives a welcome back party at his Murang'a home on September 17, 2019 after being estranged from his first family for over 50 years. PHOTO | NDUNGU GACHANE | NATION MEDIA GROUP 

JOAN THATIAH
By JOAN THATIAH
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I was perplexed by the story of 81-year-old Francis Muthua who returned to his wife and six children in Murang' a County on Tuesday after 51 years.

Muthua left his then-young wife, Wanjiru Muthua, without as much as a goodbye, went on to live in numerous places, remarried and even had a son.

His first wife meanwhile raised six children alone. But when things got thick with the Mau forest evictions, where he was a charcoal burner, Muthua came back, which is hardly surprising.

What perplexed me was the huge feast that the villagers prepared for him to welcome him back. As if the last 51 years did not happen.

This story reminded me of a bridal shower I attended recently where a senga, who we paid handsomely, advised us that whatever happens, even if your man leaves, they always come back.

RESPONSIBILITY

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She gave many reasons for her argument; he will either come back because he isn't getting enough sex wherever he went, because he regrets his decision; he is now a changed man, or because he got lonely.

All these to me sounded like lame excuses, not reasons. What is a woman supposed to do while he is gone? Wait, she responded.

If you are a good partner and you hold the household down, she reassured that a man will always come back.

Now I have a problem with how the responsibility of a relationship seems to sit with a woman. With the assumption that a man leaves because she didn't do something right.

I have an even bigger problem with being urged to wait for a man to sow his wild oats and try other different lifestyles and hope that he doesn't find something he likes better out there.

MOVE ON

I have only one piece of advice for a woman whose man just ghosted her – don't wait. That's not how relationships are supposed to work.

Life is too short to sit waiting for someone to make up their mind on whether they want to be with you or not and dating other people while at it.

I know this lady, a friend of a friend, whose 'man' met another woman, courted her and even wedded her while she was still waiting for him to make up his mind on their relationship.

She even took a loan to pay for his honeymoon. He told her he was going away to think about their relationship and forgot to mention that he would be tagging his new wife along.

MISGUIDED ADVICE

Don't let someone make a fool of you. If someone wants to leave let them. If he breaks up with you, believe him.

Don't overanalyse the things he said looking for reasons to wait around for him.

Maybe someone else will come by, maybe they won't. Both scenarios are better than lying alone in bed at night wondering whether the man that walked out on you six months ago misses you.

And don't let a senga convince you that he will come back because it was meant to be. If it was meant to be, he would've never have left in the first place.

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