Q. Is it cheating if your man flirts with other women on social media and calls them pet names? I asked my boyfriend recently why he seemed so cosy with one of his Instagram friends, and he told me they have never met and so he hasn’t cheated. Am I wrong for feeling like I should nip this flirtationship in the bud or should I just figure out how to deal with my feelings on my own? Am I wrong for thinking he is up to something fishy?
Right in your presence, your man behaves as if he is sexually attracted to someone else. This can break a heart. You are right to feel the way you do. I too would feel the same. The cure for such is to seriously ignore your man during those times when he is teasing other women. If you do not show any interest or any anger he will stop doing so in your presence. I think your man, by so doing, is acting in a cowardly and immature manner. Please, try to ignore this childish behaviour, do not let it bother you at all. Best wishes.
Achieng Goretti Dara, via email.
I'm sorry you are in a relationship where you feel your man is a cheat. This shows he doesn't value your relationship since he doesn't respect you. He is acting immature. It's good that you have a serious talk with him, during which you should be sober and speak your mind. Set goals for your relationship. If he doesn't change, then obey your natural feelings. If he continues, he doesn't deserve you. Just know in a relationship, you deserve the best. Wish you the best as you also enjoy your holiday.
Mercy Baiyenia, via email.
Regular flirting and calling each other cosy names leads to cheating and sexual affairs. Talk to your man and let him know that flirting to you is wrong. It doesn't matter if he has met her or not. If he wants to, he definitely will. Make him understand that the vice is not to be taken lightly.
Calvin Queens, via email.
Yes, it is cheating. Cheating does not involve physical touch or attraction only, but also emotional attraction. That man basically is not doing the right thing. He is not supposed to flirt at all with anyone except you. It seems there is a problem with your communication. You need to both be available for one another. You also need to talk about your lives and know how to be more romantic to one another. Love is a gift from God. Love is so sweet when shared. Flirting involves portraying love to the person even if you have never met. Thus, love directed to another person which it isn’t meant to be is cheating. I request you to find out what you are not doing that makes him find that love outside. May God Bless your relationship.
Alex Murage, via email.
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
If you are meant to be in an exclusive relationship, then your boyfriend should not be directing his flirtatious energies towards another woman. That said, stopping him is not the answer. You need to find out if his lust for you has reduced before you find yourselves in a relationship of convenience. Every individual in a relationship needs a degree of freedom but one should not spend their time sharing seductive moments with external people because that will only allow for fires to be ignited elsewhere and not in your relationship. He may love you but you need to find out if he still finds you sexually alluring. Without that you have no relationship.