Is she really my girlfriend?

Wednesday March 18 2020
Matheka.pic

I still love her but something tells me I should move on. PHOTO | NATION MEDIA GROUP

By MAURICE MATHEKA

Q: I met this girl in school in 2016 and we started dating. We are the same age but we live in different counties.

She finished school before me and got a job. Meanwhile, I noticed that she wasn’t so keen on texting me and would take her time to reply to my chats.

Early this year we met and she told me she had found a job abroad and wanted my advice on whether she should go. I told her I would not hold her back from pursuing her dreams, since I didn’t have a job to support her with.

I also reminded her to remember that I exist. She left, but these days when I chat her she takes too long to reply and only sends short one-word messages. I still love her but something tells me I should move on. Should I?

READERS REPLY

Sorry about your relationship. You should register that you are now in a long distance relationship. These LDRs are not for the faint hearted. There are measures to take when dealing with long distance relationship. Your girl should know communication in any relationship is very important! It is like salt to food. Try to talk to your girl. If she doesn't change, just know you have been sliced. Then you must move on. Remember, instincts don't lie. Also try to do something about getting a job; don't stress about relationships right now; concentrate on building yourself financially. 

Mercy Baiyenia, via email.


Follow your instincts and move on. The lady is in playing in another league, and that’s why she doesn’t seem interested in having a warm chat with you. Focus on your personal development and you'll get a lady who will love and cherish you.

Dennis Kangwana, via email.


Well, it’s safe to say that someone who does not like you will not take much time to think of what she is going to say to you. She will send one word or one sentence texts back to you just to be polite.

There will not be any depth to these messages and they will be boring. However, if she likes you, she will ensure that her texts have meaning to them and that they are more than a single word or sentence.

She will respond quickly if she really likes you. Or she will at least tell you that she is going to be preoccupied and won’t be able to respond to your message for a while.

James Njoki, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

Based on your narration, you and her never really achieved the status of a relationship. You only got to know and perhaps like each other but nothing blossomed apart from your feelings which is normal in any measure.

If wasn’t for her leaving, who knows what would have been? I also feel that your affection for her was deeper than what she felt for you.

In my opinion, considering she is away pursuing her dreams, it would be punishing for you to hold back from other opportunities of finding love hoping she will come back one day and be yours.

Maintain a friendship but to pin all your hopes on her is not realistic in any measure. If it is ever to be, then you shall be together but for now and for your own sanity, you need to move on.

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I live in Kisii and I am married with two children. My wife got a job in Nairobi and left my children here with her parents because of the nature of my work.

I have talked to my parents-in- law and they have agreed to give me the children as soon as they close school so they can stay with me.

My biggest worry is that my wife stopped calling me. When I call her she responds coldly. What do I do?