Is this man trying to play me?

What you need to know:

  • It really depends on whether you are curious enough to wait and see.
  • If indeed he did lie about his friend then that is a man not worth having in your life.
  • Give him one more chance and if you do meet ask him all the questions that are relevant to you and look out for his reactions other than just his answers.

I met a guy a few weeks ago on a phone dating app. We have been chatting well every day but when I say we should meet, he dodges the question.

The other day we finally sealed a date; we made all the arrangements but on the day, when I called in the morning to confirm, he not only didn’t answer but went ‘mteja’ after that.

He surfaced this week telling me that his friend died around that time and he is sorry to have gone silent, but he wants another chance.

The problem is, I don’t trust him to show up and even if I understand about his friend, I don’t even know if he is lying. Should I give him another chance? Or should I proceed with caution?

 

READERS’ ADVICE: The stranger you are dealing with looks so mean with his time and lacking commitment. If he was really into you and serious enough, he would have showed up. The good thing is that you already know one of his sides and therefore nothing should come as a surprise in your communication. If you feel you can still give him your time, then it will only be safe and secure if you meet him at a public place and not during strange hours. Juma Felix, via email.

 

This guy seems not to be serious about the relationship and is either not ready to meet you or has something up his sleeve. I feel like you are the one rushing him for the meeting which probably makes him feel uncomfortable. Please give yourself more time to know this guy. If you have to meet him, be with a friend and let the meeting be in a public place for safety.  John Wambugu, via email.

 

It’s too early to tell if he is lying or telling the truth; you should wait to see if a second date actually materializes before you make a conclusion. If he still doesn’t turn up for that date then just write him off and move on. Life is too short for time-wasters and people who are undecided about what they want. Melanie Njoki, via email.

 

For more responses to this question, please go to the Saturday Magazine’s Facebook page: www.facebook.com/SaturdayMag

 

***

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

There could be a number of reasons to why you haven’t met but if I were to speculate, I would say he is most likely in some form of attachment. He could be married or living a life he is not ready to disclose to you. He may also be single and experiencing cold feet about meeting in person.

It really depends on whether you are curious enough to wait and see. If indeed he did lie about his friend then that is a man not worth having in your life.

Give him one more chance and if you do meet ask him all the questions that are relevant to you and look out for his reactions other than just his answers.

People can be very creative with words but their body language and facial expressions give them away when they are cornered and uncomfortable.

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

Please help! What goes through a man’s mind when he ghosts? I have a friend who is asking this question and I don’t know what to tell her. Last year she dated a guy for three months. He was attentive and everything – and then they got intimate and the next day he didn’t take her calls or reply her texts. That ended just like that. Later in the year she met another guy who she decided not to get intimate with until he at least proposed. After six weeks or so he just suddenly stopped talking to her and that was the end of that. She is feeling sad and angry and like she can’t trust men and I keep telling her to avoid men who ghost – the problem is no one knows if he’s going to just disappear when they start dating. It has to happen for you to know. So what makes a man ghost? Is it something a woman does? And how can you identify a ghoster from the beginning?