PLAIN TRUTH: Marriage doesn’t kill lust

The next time you arrive at a social event and there is a bevy of beauties, instead of panicking, trust that you made the right choice of spouse. PHOTO | FILE | NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Getting yourself worked up that your man finds a certain physical attribute on another woman attractive is barking up the wrong tree.
  • What you should be focusing on are the boundaries that the two of you have set for your relationship.

It's amazing how women expect a man to become blind to all other attractive women once he has put a ring on it.

I attended a friend’s baby shower last weekend. It was an interesting one because the married women in the group were encouraged to bring their spouses. When the event started, one woman who had come along with her spouse was not happy. You see, there were also single women present. Her problem was that these women were dressed up. “They shouldn’t have asked people to bring their husbands knowing that these slay queens are going to be here,” she lamented.

I was amused at how oblivious she seemed to the fact that the minute her husband steps out of the gate every morning, he is bound to meet countless attractive women through the day. He will interact with them in traffic, (have you seen those gorgeous female hawkers on the Nairobi roads?), as he has his lunch, at the office, at the barber shop and even at work. Nairobi is riddled with attractive women. As long as a man has sight, he can’t miss them.

This woman’s insecurity, the fear that a man who has committed to you will find another woman attractive, is not alien. It’s why we have women going to great lengths to source house helps who are older, and who they consider unattractive. It’s why a woman will take time off work regularly to drop by her husband’s office to mark her territory.

If you have found yourself battling this fear even fleetingly, I’ve got news for you; your man does find other women attractive. It’s natural. That is how he found you. Just because he engaged you in an underwater restaurant in the Maldives or you have given him a couple of babies does not mean that this changes. It doesn’t mean that he is cheater or that he no longer finds you attractive. It just shows that he is normal.

Getting yourself worked up that your man finds a certain physical attribute on another woman attractive is barking up the wrong tree. What you should be focusing on are the boundaries that the two of you have set for your relationship. The question shouldn’t be whether or not he finds other woman attractive, it should be whether or not he is willing to act on it. What matters is conscious loyalty.

Cheating doesn’t happen by accident, it’s a decision that a person makes. A man who wants to cheat goes out of his way even if you have made it your life’s mission to make sure that there are no attractive women in your home or at his job. A man who is loyal on the other hand consciously makes this decision every morning. In short, if he is surrounded by attractive women but is still loyal to you, then this is a compliment to you.

The next time you arrive at a social event and there is a bevy of beauties at the entrance, instead of panicking, trust that you made the right choice of spouse.