Men who braved the delivery room

Traditionally, men would await the good news of their newborns away from the hospital. However, there is a rare breed of men who chose to witness the miracle of birth. Four such men share their unforgettable experiences with Soni Kanake.

Duncan Kinuthia, 38, had no idea what to expect when his wife, Pauline went into labour. However, he says that after witnessing the births of his two children, he has a new found respect for women.

“Women are really strong; they go through that pain and can still afford a smile,” he says. “It was our first child and we were clueless,” he says.

When her waters broke, he took her to hospital and upon examination the doctor said she was still a long way off. Pauline was in pain though it was on and off.

“I stayed with her all night and had dashed home for a quick shower the following morning when the hospital called me to tell me her pain had intensified,” explains Kinuthia. “I rushed back and found her anxiously waiting in the delivery room,” he says. “The doctors induced her to try and speed up the birthing process and that was when all hell broke loose. The pain was too much for my wife who was wailing,” says Kinuthia.

“This crushed me as there was nothing I could do to lessen it. I was trying to encourage her, acting all strong but deep down I was dying,” he confesses.

UNBEARABLE PAIN

“When the pain became unbearable, my wife decided to take herself to the labour room, where I followed her to. I guess my wife was extremely anxious as about three women had found us there and had already delivered. It is hard to explain the emotions my wife went through that day. All I could do was hold her hand. I remember a friend of mine had earlier warned me not to wear a shirt that had buttons as his wife had ripped off all the buttons when she went into labour. So to be safe, I had worn a tee-shirt,” he says with a laugh.

When their baby finally arrived, Kinuthia says the chaos suddenly ceased and there was such peace in the labour room, it was unbelievable how chaotic it was a while back.

“I promised myself I’d never do that again but I was back four years later,” he says. He came home from work one day to find his wife pacing up and down. She had earlier gone to the hospital but the doctor had told her it was false labour. His wife, however, didn’t think so and they were soon on their way to hospital.

“Luckily this time she didn’t seem to be in too much pain. At midnight, the mid-wife helped her to deliver as I encouraged her,” says Kinuthia. “You also bond immediately with the child and I find I want to be around them more as they grow up,” he observes.

“I came to appreciate the birthing process and it is an experience that causes men to appreciate what women go through. Since men are usually passive during this period, I think it would be good to walk through this journey with their wives,” says Kinuthia.

Duncan Mukora ...

in his early 40s has been physically present for the birth of all his three children. “Being in the delivery room for me assures my wife that she has my full support,” he says. “I did it so that she does not feel like she is in it alone.” Mukora, a marketer by profession, says that being present during his wife’s birthing process has made him appreciate life. He does not downplay the anguish and agony a woman goes through but he says that the final joy supersedes the pain and struggle. “There is nothing that beats holding that little bundle of joy in your arms and assuring him that you will be there for them,” says Mukora.

Why would Mukora walk the road less trodden? “When Jayne and I exchanged vows on our wedding day, we promised to be there for each other in times of joy and in times of pain,” he says. “My presence in that room is to give my wife moral support through her pain and subsequent joy,” says Mukora.

Granted, the delivery room is not for the fainthearted. Men have been known to faint at the first sight of blood. Mukora has braved this and chose to be there during his wife’s three Caesarian births. “Despite almost fainting during the first CS, being there to offer my support to someone I love giving birth to a little person I have never met, yet have loved for nine months is exciting! Jayne had laboured for over 24 hours until the doctor decided to take her to theatre. The pain was excruciating and I rubbed her back to ease it. During surgery, I hold her hand and talk to her so as to distract her and make her less nervous.”

He admits that his wife usually gets very tense but his presence lightens the moment. This experience, he says, has made him appreciate mothers more, especially after witnessing what they go through to bring babies into the world. This is the reason he thinks more men should be present during the birth of their children as it gives a new understanding of motherhood. “I also make sure that after the baby is delivered, I’m the one who hands over our little prince or princess to her as she meets them for the first time,” says the proud dad.

“The birthing experience is something that’s forever embedded in my memory,” he says. In fact he says he overcame the initial shocks of a first-time dad and by the time his last born came, he already knew what to do. “I went straight to my corner,” he laughs.

“Again it has an effect on me that makes me love the kids even more knowing how far we have come literally and where each is now,” says Mukora.

Simon Mbevi, 44 ...

and the director of Transform Nations, was present for the birth of his three children and says he would do it again. “It made a huge positive impact on me and an appreciation of what women go through,” he says. “It was a totally fulfilling experience being there for my wife, Sophie. As a man, there is nothing more stressful than watching your wife struggle in pain yet there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it,” says Mbevi. “I rubbed her back to ease the pain of labour and held her hand and talked to her, if only to ease the process, he says.

Mbevi says that watching his wife bring their children to the world was an out of this world experience. “It was good to be there during their births as I feel it created an even deeper bond with my babies,” he says. “Sophie did not demand of my presence but she really appreciated it, especially during the birth of our last born as the labour was long and intense. And even though most women would appreciate their men being there to support them and rub their backs, the birthing process is a private affair and it is entirely up to the couple.” It is also important to find out if your wife is comfortable with your presence in the delivery room, he notes.

“It definitely is stressful but I believe that the value is great. Some may not stand the sight of blood and it would be prudent to avoid it if it will leave them traumatised,” says Mbevi.

“Those men who may not be able to go to the labour room should be there at the earliest possible time to connect with both the mum and the baby,” he advises.

Steve Kyalo, 53, ...

has stood with his wife Rose in the delivery room every time she has been in labour. “I think it is cool and a very clear indication of love for your wife. A wife going through labour requires all the support from her hubby and the hospital staff. Being present at such an agonising moment is enough comfort to calm her emotions and give her the assurance she needs at that moment. That said, it is not every man that should go there cause it is not for the faint-hearted,” says Kyalo.

A first-timer can get a heart attack by the experience of both the labour and delivery rooms. A man must, therefore, assess himself and decide if he really wants to get in to the labour room, advises Kyalo.

An insurance consultant based in Nigeria, Kyalo says what drove him were the vows he took on their wedding day. “Well, that, and a bit of curiosity to know what transpires saw me in the delivery room,” he confesses. “I got more than I had bargained for,” he laughs. “However, it was a life changing experience for me. Women go through a lot and this is one experience that made me love and respect Rose more. I guess my presence gave her the assurance she needed to relax. But I was not just seated there doing nothing. I was praying for her and the safe delivery of our baby,” says Kyalo. “I felt the need to stand by her as we awaited the arrival of our babies,” he says.

“I thank God the doctor allowed me to the delivery room from the beginning to the end. I got to understand the anxiety and pain that comes with the birth of children,” says Kyalo.

“I think men should be there to witness this process for them to bond more with their wives and provide the much needed moral support. Unless you understand the pain of child birth it is easy to take your wife for granted. I am glad I did and would recommend this to any brave husband,” he says.

“The best was my last born, I guess I had already become a pro,” he laughs. “I was in throughout the process and even took shots as they pulled him out,” he says.