My family won’t like my man

Q: I have been dating this guy for one year now. He is serious and wants us to get married. I love him so much but thing is my community doesn’t

allow us to marry uncircumcised men. How do I fix this? I can’t bear losing him!

READERS' ADVICE:

Romantic love is sacred between two people and not communal therefore some old fashion community beliefs should not come in between two romantically connected people. Having said that, we cannot out rule the fact that beliefs are still important; share your concerns with him. Charles K., Kirinyanga.

The only person who is marrying this man and living with him is you, and you should not worry what anyone else says. Unless you are still dependent on your parents who may kick you out of your home if you disclose who you are dating, you don’t need to answer to anyone about your choice of man. Go ahead and start your family. If your boyfriend makes you happy and continues to do so through your marriage, your family will come around and accept him. Rose Karanja, via email.

No matter what, always remember that for as long as your man supports, loves and cares for you, you have a responsibility to reciprocate and put him first. I am sure he already knows he might face opposition from your family; if you really want him in your life, don’t give him a gap to run away by not supporting him in his quest to win them over. This is because he is likely also feeling scared and vulnerable and maybe doesn’t want to tell you what he is going through – if he is serious about being with you, that is. So support him and let him know that you have his back. Onyango O, via email.

Some cultures should be left behind. There are worse things for a man to be – a batterer, a thief, a rapist. Being uncircumcised is not a crime. The only thing you should focus on is being with him. If you feel really pressured by your community, then discuss it with him and come to a conclusion. Sally W, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

I must ask, who will be marrying the man? I believe the answer is you. You have already been with him as he is. If you allow traditions to dictate then you will lose him and end up with a man who will never make you feel the same.

It’s totally up to you, not your community. To be honest some traditions don’t make sense in this day and age.

I recommend you hold onto him. Sometimes it’s good to hold ground and follow your heart, not community expectations.

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA:

I had a nice relationship which had started so well and there were some signs it would progress positively.

After two months the guy told me he was sent for a mission outside the country and that network could be a problem, curtailing our

communication. It’s been three weeks now without hearing from him. Is this guy genuine? Kindly help me because I have been really down and

thinking maybe he wasn’t serious.