My ex of five years is in love with my best friend and I don’t know how to handle it. She recently confessed to me that they have been seeing each other behind my back for the past six months. I know it has been five years since we broke up, and I have moved on and I'm now engaged to someone else, but I still feel very angry about it. I don’t want my past playing any part in my present life. My wedding is coming up soon as she is my best maid, but I am afraid she will bring my ex to the wedding. Should I break up with her? Tell her to break up with him? Please advise.
Five years is a long time. Your ex isn't to blame for finding new love with your friend. You decided to move on and you really need to truly move on and erase him from your mind now that you are just about to get married otherwise you might find yourself ruining your current relationship due to him. Furthermore, your happiness comes first and if you think you can't stand seeing your best friend dating your ex, you'd do yourself more good than harm by bringing your friendship to an end because I doubt if she can leave him for the sake of your friendship. Sorry girl. Nelson Malemo, via email.
You should have forgotten everything that happened five years ago by now. I understand that you are now engaged; I wonder what connection you have with your ex. If he is willing to attend your wedding don't hinder him. It is not your place to get them to break up. Forget the past and concrete on your wedding. Timothy Muthama, via email.
You seem to have unfinished business with your ex-boyfriend, hence the reason you feel angry that your friend is associating with him. You need to confront your feelings about him. For a healthy marriage to flourish, you need to forget this guy and concentrate on your husband. You should not be bothered whether he attends your wedding or not. Let him come and witness that you are taken! Don't allow jealousy to haunt your life. Let the guy go! John Wambugu via email.
Is nice you call him your ex, to mean you left each other and both of you moved on. Your feelings for your ex are there because of memories. Focus on your future relationship. Be positive and don’t bring your past to your future.
Kevin Owino, Nakuru.
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
As you have stated, you broke up five years ago and you are soon to get married. In my opinion you are allowing the scenario to work you up for no reason. You moved on and so did he, but in this case with your friend, such is life and I don’t see your ex negatively impacting your wedding or your life thereafter. Your friend might not invite him and if anything, you can request her not to have him there as respect to you. Eliminating your best maid at this point is unnecessary and would not be a sign of friendship. She may have found her true love... who knows? Perhaps wish her happiness; that is the mature thing to do. Unless you have unsolved feelings which would question your dedication to your current partner, you need only concentrate on planning and enjoying your wedding day.
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
I have a crush on a certain man and I told him what I feel for him. On the other hand, I’ve got a man who loves me. I just don’t feel him at all. I’m told love grows with time. I have been so tempted to agree to date this other guy who loves me but still I’ve got feelings for my crush. The crush has not been online for quite a while and so he has not yet seen my message on WhatsApp. The guy who loves me is good; I love the fact that I’m his first priority and he goes by what I say, and does what I tell him to do, but still my crush is in my heart. What should I do?